visit home not helping

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
visit home not helping
2
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:44am

I don't know why I go home to visit my family every summer. It is driving me insane. I know this year is worse because everytime I see someone I know I have to tell them that stbx and I are no longer together. I feel like such a failure. My mom is so critical of everything I do and how I take care of my dd. I am about ready to go home a week early.

I don't know how to stop her from being critical and the worse part is I see myself doing the same things. My poor dd just had her tonsils out, spent her first week away from me, and then, as soon as she was back with me, got on a plane to grandma's house. She has been a bit difficult and only wants me most of the time. This really ticks my mom off and always says things like you don't like grandma etc. Nice thing to say to a 3 year old. All of the moving and changes has made potty training a bit of a challenge so my mom keeps pushing the poor child to go to the potty all the time. DD hates to be forced into anything, what 3 year old does, but my mom just keeps pushing and pushing. I am at the end of my rope. Everytime my dd wants me to hold her I get that look from my mom that says, you are making a mess of things. I ask again, why do I do this to myself?

To make me feel even worse, my stbx is in his hometown and I think he might have taken the OW to dinner at a friend's house. Of course, my mind has made it far worse than it probably is. In fact, I still don't know if it happened or not, but it brings up the feeling of not only being replaced so quickly by stbx but also by friends. It hurts to think they would just let her into their house and accept her as his new girl. One of them is my dd's godfather. It just makes me sad. He seems to be moving on and I am stuck listening to my mom judge my every move. Ugh. I know, it is his life now and I should get over it, but how in the hell do you do that?

Well, thanks for listening.
neverdull

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:25am
Neverdull, your feelings of sadness over ex moving on are very normal. Don't beat yourself up over feeling sad. One thing I did that helps was try to put off my thoughts until I got something done. Like if I needed to vaccuum (dumb example-I know), I would tell myself to get it done~ then I would let myself think about whatever it was that had me down.
Also, maybe leaving your mom's a few days early would be a good thing. Make up an excuse so you can go home. Your mom is not helping you with her criticism. Your little one will regress as she adjusts to the change. She'll potty when she's ready. I promise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 9:05am

I agree....