visitation frustration

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
visitation frustration
4
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 6:31pm

I haven't been here in a while, been out feeling sorry for myself and feeling extremely frustrated!

my stbx girlfriend is staying over at his place every night, I know none of my business.

But stbx lives in a bachelor apt, all one room. When he has the kids I asked him that the gf not stay overnight as I think it is not appropriate for them all to sleep in the same room. I am also concerned about what will happen after the kids go to sleep.
I already have reports of them kissing "passionately" in front of the kids. Now I dont think I'm a prude but I don't think they should "make out" in front of the kids.
His response to my request was that I can't tell him what to do.

There is no custody order, so my next move was no overnight visits. That ticked me off because that is what he wanted. More time to spend with gf alone. So I took kids to his place at 6:30am on the way to work and picked them up at 7pm on the way home. First day, not a problem but 2nd day they were still in bed. I asked him if they were going to get up...he just ignored me. I asked again..he said "it's not night-time" huh?! That went back & forth and then I had to go to work..then I talked to the kids & left extremely frustrated.

When I went to pick them up no words were exchanged..but I get the kids home at 8pm & they start crying about how hungry they are..He didnt feed them dinner!!! They were supposed to be going to bed at that time!

Ok so the straw that broke the camel's back - my 6 yr old said that the gf undressed in front of them. I said oh just you girls and she said no in front of my 6yr old son too!
I calmly asked stbx to ask her not to do that of course his response way , "well, I didnt see it happen" arrgghhhh Yeah like I made it up!!

I'm sorry this is so long..so if you are still with me..I'm in Ontario,Canada & child services here considers this "grey" area. So my lawyer suggested to put this to the Office of Children's Lawyer and have them look into . I'm scared to death!! What if it goes the other way!..but what else do I do? There is no custody agreement but I still can't refuse to let them see him...I'm sooo frustrated!! This is not the man I married.

Again sorry it is so long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 5:04pm

I would say that it's inappropriate for his children to


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 11:29pm

Thank you for your support. I have told the kids that they must discuss these things with their dad and let him know how they feel. They say they are afraid to say anything. Afraid of what? He is not abusive to the children. I think they are afraid he is going to leave & never come back. Which is totally understandable.

I have talked to my lawyer & told her this was not an acceptable answer to the situation. She has suggested that we petition the court for the Office of Children's Lawyer to get involved..I guess I have to pay for this & they decide whether they want to be come involved or not. So I'll let you know what happens

Thanks again for listening (or reading)

Annette

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:05am

Wow, I feel for you. My ex has just recently moved in with his 21yr old gf. I found out on Friday that it is a one room kitchenette. Like your ex. They have a full size bed and that's it. My son is three and there is no way in hell that he will be spending the night there with no place to sleep and no type of privacy. What happens when they decide to be intimate if the baby wakes up. Is he just supposed to watch them. So I know how you feel.

My ex is gonna have to do way better than that. These so called father's want to act like father's but dont want to have the proper environment for the kids. Your ex wouldnt like it one bit if you had a boyfriend undressing in front of your daughter. It's totally inappropiate. She shouldnt be doing it in front of your daughter either. I know you want to try to do things without getting the courts involved but sometimes its necessary for cases just like this. I dont believe any court would allow him overnight visits when his kids are 6 yrs old and he's living in a one room apt with a girlfriend undressing in front of them.

Honey stay strong. We as mothers have to do everything we can to protect our children. You can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 1:52pm
Why are we the only one's that see it that way?? He doesn't see the problem?? or his gf
sooo frustrating..thanks for your support.