Visitation vs. Babysitting
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| Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:16am |
Looking for some advice. My STBX and I are in the midst of the divorce and no visitation has been determined as of yet. He is an alcholic (sober presently-but his track record is miserable)without a valid drivers license (I won't let the kids ride with him either), money, or a proper place for the kids to visit him. I have told him that he is welcome to visit the kids (12,10 and 7) at our house and that if he is sober I will leave so he can spend time alone with them. I thought I was being accomodating.
He refuses to give me a schedule-even on a weekly basis. He says he is coming and cancels at the very last minute-upsetting the kids. When he is there he does nothing but watch shows like 24 with my oldest and ignores the younger two. There is absolutely NO interaction. He is clueless about what is going on in their lives and frankly does not seem to care. I have told him that I need at least 24 hours notice if he is coming so that I can make a plan that works with all of our schedules. He won't listen or communicate about a schedule.
He cancelled on them last Friday night and Saturday. The kids were upset so when he came on Sunday I decided it would be best if I stuck around. He sat on the couch for two hours watching 24. He had said that he would take the kids to open gym at the school ($6/family). When I suggested that they get going he told me that unless I pay for it he won't go. I said that it was his responsiblity to plan his time with his kids and if he didn't have the money he should not have told him they were going (he has not given me a dime or contributed to our houshold at all since 7/06). We obviously got into a big fight. He slammed out and the kids were again upset. It seemed to them as if I made him leave-which was not the case.
I don't even want to speak to him. My attorney is on vacation all week. What can I do? I don't want to cut off all access (which I probably can't anyway) but I can't stand having him in my house. I think he thinks he is doing me a favor by watching them-hence-visitation vs. babysitting. They don't need a babysitter-they need a Dad. I have tried to be accomodating but in the end I am getting bitter. Any suggestions would be helpful.
Molly

I know of a couple who, since the dad really didn't have his own place to bring the kids, would meet at a designated location on visitation days.
Maybe you could have your STBX choose, or the kids choose, a place to meet that they could spend some time at and won't cost a fortune. For my friend it was sometimes at a park, McDonald's, the mall, etc.
This way he HAS to interact at least to some degree, and you don't have him in your living room ignoring the kids.