Visitation this weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Visitation this weekend
6
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 9:10am
My stbx was supposed to see my son on Saturday. He was supposed to be here Saturday morning. He called at 12:30 Saturday afternoon to say that he couldn't make it because of the weather (it was raining). We live in different states and the ride is about 1 hour (or less). Well, once again I have to break the news to my son that his father isn't coming - but said that he will be down on Sunday to take him out for the day. So - I take my son over to friends' houses to play with their kids and whatnot trying to ease the blow (I am so tired of doing this) and ended up over another friends' house to stay the night. Well - it was raining on Saturday and then turned very cold overnight and the locks on my car froze. I couldn't get into my car on Sunday morning. My stbx does not have a phone at all (not even a home phone) and I couldn't call him to let him know what was going on. I called my family's house to let them know what was going on and to tell my stbx sorry - but today isn't a good day to see him (technically he was supposed to ALREADY have my son). My mother got mad at me saying that I put her in a 'bad predicament' because my stbx waited for an hour outside of the house for me and my son. She felt sorry for him because he was waiting (yeah - who's side is she on, huh????) She even went as far as letting this bastard into her apartment because he was cold. They were most likely talking about me (my mother has an uncanny way of doing backstabbing stuff like this to me) and I haven't talked to her since. WTF. Well, I don't feel bad for my stbx at all. I feel bad for my son - that's it. And it upsets me even more that my mother is that ignorant that she refuses to realize that I am not playing games with my stbx. He's the one who makes the promises that he is unable to keep. Not me. And she knows this. Perhaps it's because she and he are a lot alike in the sense that they are both very selfish - I don't care anymore. I just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for listening. Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 9:59am
Hey, hang in there girl. I know it gets very frustrating and upsetting. Something jumped out at me that you said. Your ex doesnt have a phone at all. What the hell. Suppose there is an emergency or something. He has your son, how would you be able to get in touch with him. Im very particular on stuff like this because my ex recently moved in with his 21yr old girlfriend. He will be 30 this year. He refuses to give me his new address and now has had his cell phone # disconnected. My son isnt going anywhere where I cant contact him if need be or I dont even know where the jerk lives. How old is your son?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 11:51am
Hey luv. My son is nine years old. I am so mortified by all my stbx's actions. Having no phone at all in this day and age is unacceptable. If we had no children together, it wouldn't matter at all. I have said to my father several times that if, god forbid, my son ever had an emergency and had to be rushed to the hospital that it better be between the hours of 8 am - 5 pm M/F. How abnormal is that???? But this is how my ex is - very irresponsible. It is so frustrating. I cannot wait for this nightmare to be over (the divorce). And with that said, I suppose the nightmare will never end because we do have a child together. I can't think like that. It is so easy to become unfocused on what really matters. I will take your advice on hanging in there - man, I hate this. This is by far the most difficult situation I have ever been in my entire life. But - gotta stay positive. We (meaning us women) have children to continue to raise. Thanks for your response. Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:46pm

hi and hugs.


i was in your shoes a long time ago - my son is now 19, and i got divorced from his bio dad when he was 3. his father would come visit him once a week and take him for one weekend a month - this lasted

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 6:08pm

Hi Pam..... When he calls to cancel, tell him that HE has to talk to your son to tell him that he's not coming and why.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 10:20am
Hi ladies. I am sorry for not responding sooner to you all. I have not been online in a few days (been sick and searching for a job-if that makes any sense). I completely agree with the stopping trying to 'make up' for his absenses. It annoys me to no end how he always condones his behavior. Never, EVER, is it HIS fault - and believe me he makes NO apologies. He just floats through life as if nothing has happened (sociopath behavior, perhaps????) Very, extremely frustrating for my son and myself. The good part about the 'making it up' to my son, is this behavior is normal for me, I.E. I have always spent quality time with him, taken him places to visit friends and whatnot, and the one thing I do not do is tell my son why we are going out - we just go. But between you and me, when his father does blow him off - I am making it up unbeknownst to my son (seriously). He is used to his mommy always being there for him, good or bad, and I always will be. The telephone thing with my ex is pathetic. Like I have been saying to my friends and family for the past few years, I cannot control my ex. If I could, he would be a much nicer person. The fact that he is comfortable with no telephone shows how irresponsible and selfish he really is and there is nothing I can do about it. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a WRECK every time this man takes my son home with him. But unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. Stress is a part of mine and many other peoples lives and all we can do is try to find the most positive way to deal with it. I wouldn't dare ask, never mind tell, my ex to get a telephone because he simply wouldn't. He lives in his own world, and in that world he is judge and jury - he calls all the shots. And NOONE better step on his toes, god forbid. Believe me, this man was in my life for 17 years and there is no way of getting any good sense through to him. He is simply just too selfish. All about him, ya know? So - with that, it is Friday. We'll see what transpires this weekend - hopefully my son won't be let down yet again. I will keep you all posted and once again thanks for the support and hugs. Oh, by the way, me and my mom seem to be doing a bit better. I basically spent a few days away from her and I finally talked to her last night (general stuff, nothing about what happened last weekend) and things seem to be OK for the moment. Will keep you posted. Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 10:35am
Hey Pam.... I'll be thinking about you and your son; I hope things go well this weekend.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~