Visitation/Custody Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Visitation/Custody Issues
2
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 7:11pm

Hi. I've been divorced for over a year and a half. Ex wanted out of marriage. He treated me like crap the first year--would not speak to me at all. My 4 year old daughter fell down a flight of step at his house over Memorial weekend and he did not even call me to inform me of the injury. He just dropped her off at my house 2 days later and left. I had to take her to a dentist the next day and her teeth had to be extracted. Things like this---he wanted no communication at all. He even decided he no longer wanted anything to do with my oldest daughter who is from a previous marriage and has not spoken one word to her in over a year--does not even say hi to her when he passes her--he raised her as his own since she was 3 and she is now 12. Needless to say, I was very hurt and so was she and it took a LONG time for me to get over it and move on. We have two kids together--ages 5 & 6.

So, now--things have changed--about five months ago--he starts demanding full communication from me--wants every detail about the kids--wants phone calls as to when they miss school, if they are sick, how they are doing with me, etc.... I have full legal and physical custody. He bought a house down the street from me even. He writes me emails--2-3 pages in length telling me every little detail about the kids when he has them--how lucky he is that he is doing so well now---and of course to slam me on how I don't communicate with him and how I am trying to rip the kids out of his life.

The biggest blow was when he asked me if I wanted any certain weeks for summer visitation--and I told him a week in June that I would like to have the kids because my sister invited my entire family to Florida--all expenses paid. Well, he at first gave me that week (the non-custodial gets to choose the weeks they want in the summer by April 1)--so--I told the kids and they all got excited. Well, he has been asking for more visitation time and I have denied it--so then he goes and changes the calender and takes away my week he gave me and said that unless i fully cooperate with him on all issues we have--more parenting time he's wanting, volunteering him to coach, communicating with him more--he will not alter it back. Then he goes and tells me that he is demanding make up time of 44 days to be done in the summer as well (he did not see the kids for 7 months in 05 because he was living in a hotel)--so I basically will not see the kids all summer.

I'm just so upset that I don't know what to do. I probably don't communicate with him as I should--but he makes it very difficult I find it odd now that he wants to communicate now as well. He acts like we have split custody, which we don't. Do I have to call him when the kids are sick? Do I have to read his freaking lengthy emails all the time and respond to it all? Do I have to volunteer him to coach my kids in sports? (I didn't sign him up because last time he coached my son he screamed at him on the field every game and he is only 6 and my son said he didn't want him to be his coach again). OH--and now he's stating he has found God and thanks me for that--that because I am being so controlling with the kids and taking them away from him--it made him find God again. He also now states he would like to see my oldest daughter from time to time, but only out in public.

One last note--I have moved on--I have met someone special--so I do wonder if that has something to do with it. He has even informed me in one of his lengthy emails that Divorce Care suggests that people should wait 3-5 years before entering a new relationship and he is very concerned that I'm exposing our kids my new relationship. (It has been 1 1/2 year since our divorce has been final and this is the first person I have dated--and I'm not even sure where it will go, but this guy has met my kids.)

What do you think? Am I being unreasonable and should I communicate more or does HE have the hang up.

Thanks,
Darcy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 8:28pm
Where I live the non-custodial parent must send vacation dates certified-registered letter. That way no doubt about the dates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 9:14pm

Does your custody agreement have any clause about bringing disputes to mediation? This sounds like a situation that needs to be mediated -- i.e. the level of communication and the dispute over time with the kids. You need a neutral third party to help sort this out before it gets any crazier.

M

PS The falling down the stairs and losing teeth incident sounds like possible neglect since he didn't take her to a Dr. or report it to you. I have no expertise, but that would concern me tremendously.