Wait till he hears this one !!!
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| Tue, 05-16-2006 - 12:28pm |
Recently my son (12) got in some trouble with the law. He and his friend spray painted obscenities on 2 cars (one of them was a friend of my daughter’s whom she is presently feuding with). They also painted a mailbox and sign at a local construction site. This all happened AFTER my husband and I went to bed one night. My son and his friend confessed some of what happened (only one car) to my husband the day after. My husband and I were torn about what to do, then a few days my daughter told us about some other damage they did that night. My husband and I agreed we had to turn them in to the police.
So, I get on the phone to my ex. He starts lecturing me. Our son will have a record because he my husband and I have had the police at our house before (because of truancy and threats he has made against his sister). All of which was recommended by his school, the police AND our family counselor. I hung up on him. The police came a few hours later and took confessions from my son and his friend. The next day my ex left on a trip overseas. My ex has not made one attempt to contact me about what could happen to OUR son.
About a week after the boys signed their confessions, I got a call from the police. They wanted me to bring my son in to talk. The truth about the second car being vandalized came out. I was furious…and embarrassed because it was one of our neighbors. The officer told us the boys will definitely have to go to court. And…the officer told us my son was already considered a suspect for a few reasons. This made feel much better about turning them in. I know we did the right thing.
I am just waiting for more madness from my ex. We have joint legal custody, so, I believe any fines, fees or damages he would be 50% responsible for (25% actually has the other boy will probably be 50% responsible). I know he will try to claim it is covered by child support. Especially after he has to pay me for losing the alimony case!
Oh, the joys of co-parenting!

I'm glad that your ds has a counselor. It's so difficult to deal with things like this. I have five children all of whom have/had varying degrees and types of mental illnesses. Adolescance was NOT fun!
We had the police to our house on more than one occasion, most at my instigation. I refused to cover-up for my children. If they made the decision to act in a manner outside of the law, they had to take ownership and pay the price. My x had nasty things to say every time it happened at my house. However, when it did happen at my house, it was always, without exception, done when they were supposed to be in bed or when they were visiting a friend. When two of my boys got in trouble with the law, the only time that they had to go to court, it was because x and sm *knowingly* allowed them to take their bikes and go on a construction site that was posted. They KNEW and okayed it for the boys to do this. Then when the boys had to go to court, etc., guess who it was who took them and dealt with it. It wasn't him!
I would suggest that the fines and recompensation is not you or your x's responsibility. Of course, one or both of you will need to take some of this on initially. However, in most places, your ds can "work off" his fines himself through community service. He should also, in the end, be responsible for paying for the damage. That is a LOT based on two paint jobs, etc., but, IMHO, he who did it pays the price. Just my two cents.
Yes, you did the right thing. ITs best to take care of this now.
It best to get your son to answer for his own actions. And its best for your son to face the consequences too. If the ex-H does not want to engage, or if he wants to "hide" the truth, your children will be ill served.
My ex's daughters (my step daughters) were never forced to do this. They just kept on getting worse and worse until they were adults. Eventually, the eldest became an extasy addict, and the younger a drunk driver.
You are doing a good job, stay with it!
Wow! I do think that you did the right thing (if you didn't do the right thing this time.... you'd just wonder about next time, and hopefully, this will deter a next time!)
However... I'll preach my sermon again..... this is why you want joint custody.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~