waiting to get out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
waiting to get out...
2
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:42am

I am new here... I am in a very emotionally abusive marriage. I have the help of a psychologist and I am working with the YWCA to get out... right now I am waiting for a room for me and my kids to move into! This is torture, because I finally got the guts up to leave and I am ready to go, and scared! My advocate says I have a good solid plan of exit. She also warns me that he could turn physically abusive! I pray for an opening for us everyday, but the actual move terrifies me. Then I have to get a job and get started all over... That will require a move to a bigger town because of what I do for a living. I will also have to get the court to tell me I can leave the state.

Well I guess I just needed a little extra support and that is why I am here. I have not even told my family yet! I do go to a group for support also, but these are the only people that know I am leaving! Secrecy is very important in this at this point, because I do not know what he will do when I go to leave!

Those of you who believe in God, I could use a lot of that! I believe right now that I am not in danger and if that changes there is emergency help available to me 24/7.

Thank you,
zartgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 6:54am

Hey, hang in there girl. My state made it almost impossible to leave the marital home (they try and force you to save money by continuing to live together till divorce is final) My lawyer had to file an emergency motion before the judge just so I could leave with the kids.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Try the recognizing and surviving domestic abuse message board - it saved my sanity! (I'd stick a link here but I'm too computer challenged to do that successfully). Also, there is a book called "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft - it doesn't give solutions but it helped me maintain the strength I needed to get out!

Good Luck and lots of hugs!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:52pm

I was in a similar situation... I just left last Thursday. My husband was also very verbally abusive (and physical in the past) and I thought I would be in danger when I left. I had a whole plan to get out and go somewhere he couldn't find me. But I had to postpone that destination because my friend (who I will be renting from next month) didn't want the drama near her house. She said I should go to my family's until things cooled down. But you know what? He took me leaving soooo much different than how I thought he would. I thought he would follow me, to try to hurt me, take the kids, etc. I was ready to get a restraining order, but I got to the courthouse too late in the day and I couldn't file it. Turns out I didn't even need it. He wants to reconcile so badly. He had a problem with weed and he says he hasn't smoked since I left. He's trying to improve himself so we can be together. You may be pleasantly surprised at his reaction....but you just don't know. I told him it will take a long time before I would consider getting back with him, but we are being friendly to each other...it's what's best for our boys....

Everyone's situation is different...I wish you all the best in whatever you do...I just wanted to give you an idea of something positive that came out of leaving. It is a very tough decision, but you can do it. Believe in yourself, and be strong. Good luck! HTH