Waiting to tell spouse is awkward

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Waiting to tell spouse is awkward
6
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 10:58pm
I am waiting to tell my husband I want out until this summer for practical reasons (finances, timing it best for the kids etc.) and it's really awkward. I am trying not to go out of my way to be nice but also trying to be decent since its six months away. I've avoided saying I Love You to him but it's really awkward. Tomorrow is V-Day but he's not the romantic type so I dont think it will be too too weird. I wish I could break it off now but I know that's not a good idea. Feels odd living a lie but I know others have done this so I tell myself it's okay. I want to have al my ducks in a row. Anyone else awkwardly waiting??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 4:57pm
I am totally there- but dont have time to reply-
I promise to later tonight-
hang in there!
eve
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 9:34am
So, when I really started to evaluate our 'relationship'...we've been married 10 years...actually 2/25 will be the day, I figured I'd wait a bit longer, but on Sunday, it all came to a head. And since then, lets see, he didn't take me seriously, cuz on monday, he made a joke about whether i would have moved out while he was at work...so tuesday I let him know I was serious...on VDay...he finally got it...and it was a rollercoaster day for him...he's now feeling all the feelings i've had for months...and he doesn't like it....he's not an emotional person, so he doesn't know what to do iwth them...he began to beg me to stay, told me he can't live without me, etc....all stuff I needed to hear A LONG TIME AGO...I feel badly, but it's not there anymore...I'm so lonely and don't want to live like this anymore...i'm only 31, we have no children. I will have to sell my business, and move out of this area, our life together is why i'm here and i don't want to stay....I just want to leave so badly...and now he's trying to make me the bad guy b/c i'm the one doing something about the misery we are both living in...I am not happy about it....oh well...more crap to deal with....we are going to a therapy session today, i'm really wanting to get it through to him how i feel...we'll see...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 9:53am
Yeah-me... Never thought this would happen to me. I'm not going to wait that long though........
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 4:50pm
Me too, waiting...Well I did tell him (I took a long time to arrive at this decision) and DH was totally shocked, I don't get it- like others on here- he can't live without me -what-EVER! I always return the 'I love you' - since I'm trying to wait it out and get the financial stuff lined up (as you said) we are trying to find each other- but I feel as though I have been pushed far out of his reach. I think being apart will be the only test we could do to find out if anything is left. I love him, he is very attractive and sweet- good dad, but I am not attracted to him, it's so hard every day, but have to believe I can make it a while longer. I also hope he will see how we've grown apart. We've ben together almost 20 So it's so tough - but one day at a time.
Good luck -
eve
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 9:48am
It really amazes me how these guys can be living in the same house as us...I've been away for the weekend...needed some space to get some clarity...I dread going home now...I just want it over..].and I know that there's a process I have to go through, I just feel like I've been going through this crap for soooo long now...he's not a bad guy and I hope that he recovers from this and is able to finally get some help trying to figure himself out and that he is available for another woman...I truly want him to be happy, but above that, I need for me to be happy...and it's not happening with him....so when I go home today, and in our counseling session on tuesday, my goal is to be as concrete as I can, but also, i'm trying to be as kind as i can...I care alot about him, I'm sad that he's hurting, and we have been together for a long time...so I want to respect that.
Sherry
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 12:08pm

Ditto- everything you said- when I realized- my awakening- and told DH- I guess he was shocked into reality.

He's like "oh, you were serious? I thought everything was great- what can I do to fix it? I'll do anything"

Ok, that was then, this is now, I'm kinda done- was I joking about wanting attention and fun? If so - that was a very long joke- ya know?

It was ok to ignore me for the longest- but now why do I feel bad for hurting his feeings?
I am trying to cushion this as much as possible for him, I don't want to feel responsible for him falling apart- surely he'll realize he can survive without me, and if I feel this way- he deserves someone to treat him better than this.

I am financially stuck, and hope to fix that very soon- then I can figure out realistically what I need to do for me- because I am allowed to have happiness.

and I know I deserve that
eve