Want a D but scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Want a D but scared
5
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 10:38pm

Is there a "thinking about D" board?

Heather

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 10:48pm

Hey there Heather...

You start by taking some baby steps... start making copies of important paperwork... bank statements, tax returns, etc... contact a lawyer in your state and find out what your rights are... you might want to consider opening a bank account of your own so you can save for things to come... talk to your doctor about some of the issues you're having right now that are making you not quite you anymore... maybe look into getting some counseling, either from a pastor or from a counselor...

My little guy, who is now 4, was 1 1/2 years old when xh and I separated and 2 1/2 when we divorced. My xh lives out of state, rarely sees him (xh's choice), and is very behind in child support... but you know what, he's doing just fine... he's doing well in a warm loving environment, instead of one full of stress and arguing that he lived in innocently as an infant...

This is a huge step and it isn't easy, but take the time to do your homework, and get prepared... talk to an attorney and find out your rights... you'll soon see that knowledge is power in this sort of thing...

Good Luck... come back and let us know how you're doing!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 10:55pm

I have my own bank account and called a lawyer (who wants $2K up front).

Heather

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:00pm

I actually didn't move... my xh did, the week after the divorce was finalized. I still live in the same area and fortunately, have lots of family support around... my Mom is here... my xil's are in the area too and even though Joey doesn't get to see his daddy that often (xh didn't even want holidays), he does get to see my xil's every weekend, so he still knows his family... we are all still close, which is nice in a situation like this...

I can see where a move could look appealing though... to start fresh... I've thought about it here and there, but the time isn't right... maybe one day it will be...

Good Luck!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 8:45am

Hello, and welcome! Many of us came here before we filed for divorce, when we were just in the thinking about it or planning stages. So jump right in and feel at home!


First, one of the things many of us did in the intial stages of thinking about divorce is imagine catastrophe. And it's hard not to. We worry about our homes, our children, finances, being alone....etc. So much COULD happen, but it rarely turns out quite as horribly as you think it will.


So the first order of business? A consultation with a lawyer. Make a list of every question you can possibly think about...from the house to relocating...custody, etc. Most lawyers give a free consultation. Now paying for the lawyer, that's another story. I had access to about $30.00 a week during my marriage, even though I worked full time. So I had to take out a loan against my 401k. That's how I got the money to give my attorney a retainer and move out of the house. I get to pay it back over five years, so the payments are low. Otherwise, I really don't know what I would have done. If you don't have family members you can borrow from, that may be an option for you.


So try not to get too worried about things that haven't happened yet. Take one small step at a time.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 9:37am

Thank you!

Heather