Want a divorce but sad for my kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Want a divorce but sad for my kids.
4
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:49pm
Hi, I've been married for 2 1/2 yrs but we were together for 8. In that 8 years, all except for the first 2 yrs of our marraige, I would say that he has walked out on my children and I AT LEAST 25 to 30 times. My little boys are 6 1/2 and 5. They are so sweet and love their father to death. How he can do this to them especially now that they are older is beyond me. The latest was just yesterday. They are not aware yet of what has transpired because they were not there when he pulled this latest stunt. I have been allowing him to do this for so long for the sake of my children because I strongly believe that they need their father in their lives and that if we were to break up for good, they will be devestated. I don't believe that he is in this for the long haul as he has proven time and time again. I know I need to be strong and kick his butt to the curb because I need to stop allowing him to hurt our family like this. I want a divorce more than anything in this world but am so afraid that my sons will lose their father because that is just the kind of person he is. I am looking for anyone in a similiar situation to become friends with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 5:03pm

Hi Divinity

My situation is not really like yours but I do have three kids ,and the do love their father to death,and without me to hold him up ,he doesnt even have place to live .so its becoming more and more obvious to me that his relationship with them is diminishing

of course ,I am the bad guy when they miss their dad ,and hes not around ,or doesnt have transportation to come here to see them...etc...

I stayed a LONG time with him bc of the kids ....but my M was extremly abusive,and I finally realized that we would all be much better off with him out of the picture ...

My H never "walked out "on the kids ....just yelled,cussed,stayed drunk,hit walls etc.

sometimes I would have rather him 'walk out "

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:44pm

My situation is similar. My stbx has told me numerous times that he just doesn't want to be married and wanted out and then would change his mind. I kept hoping (yep, la la land) that he would "get it". I didn't want my kids to come from a "broken" home. He did it again in November and at first I was devastated. Now I am just over it. I wish he could get what family is and what marriage is but he wants the feelings that come with infatuation. He will always want something/someone else and infidelity will always be a part of our life. So, I'm done. He is acting like he regrets it now (I may be wrong) but still, I am done. If he is here or not, the marriage is still broken. At least without him I can be happy and not act like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't want my girls to think that our marriage is something to aspire to. Anyway, it is hard to let go of the dream of living with the girls' father in a good marriage but the reality is...it was just a dream. I think once you are out, you will enjoy the peace. Good luck!

kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:57pm

I feel terrible for you. This sounds like SUCH an unhealthy environment for you, which makes it unhealthy for your children.

Just because you get a divorce does not automatically mean your children's dad will become absent from there lives. And since he's left almost 30 times...it kind of sounds like he has already abandonded them, even while married to you.

The decision to divorce was something I struggled with for several years. I ended up wasting precious time I could have used moving on with my life and becoming a more positive and happy person for my sake AND my son's sake. Instead, I stayed too long, which is one regret I do have.

Neither you nor your children deserve to be treated like this.....good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:28pm

They might lose a "father".... but they'll be gaining a "new" mom.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~