Wanted to share situation with MIL ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wanted to share situation with MIL ...
11
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 7:08pm
I receieved an email from her this AM (she lives in FLA & I am in RI, but she will be back in RI next week) ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 7:57pm

Wow! What a powerful letter!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:11am

Great response Rebecca!


mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 8:48am

MIL's reply i just got:


I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 10:37am
Wow, I'm impressed that you were able to lay it all on the line for his mother so eloquently. And I'm even more impressed that she didn't just jump to his defense like so many mothers will do - oh, my poor son, it's not really his fault, etc., - because that enables him to continue his self-destructive ways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 2:14pm
Whoa! Rebecca, she rocks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 3:10pm

You are very lucky your MIL took that well. She was probably raised to believe that if you cannot say something nice, say nothing at all. Like Thumper, LOL.

I frequently write out long detailed letters like this. But I never send them. (And not because I am a nice person, LOL!) It's just that it won't make the man stop drinking. It doesn't put the marriage back together. If it's important for you to say to his Mom, "he is still drinking," then that can be said in just 4 words. I like to use the anonymous boards for vents like yours. And my MIL has let me know that she appreciates it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 4:10pm
i am absolutely with you on this rosemile. it is a long, bitter innappropriate e-mail. she's lucky the mil took the high road here. my ex mil tries to engage me in conversation about my ex and i always change the subject. he left me for someone else but this doesn't involve her. she can always be a part of the kids' lives -- but i refuse to trash my ex to her. he's my kids' father afterall.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 5:58pm

Yeah, she pretty much gets "it". I think she had a momentary lapse of memory as to how bad it was. She is only here 6 mo out of the year, & the past 2 summers, she told me she "Honey, i cant even come to your home anymore b/c i cant stand to see the way he treats you". The last time she was at our home with him there with us, she left in tears. She really is a nice woman - but she also obviously did something wrong in raising her kids (& my FIL as well, they are D now). But she is trying now to make up for it. She has asked me so many times "What did i do wrong?" (out of 5 sibs, 4 are pretty abusive addicts who cant hold a job or a marriage) & i have told her honestly "They were raised with alcoholic parents, AND grandparents & abuse. There isnt much you can do to change all that now, but you are a wonderful Gramma to my daughter & thats enough for me to love you".


I feel badly though - it must hurt so much to see your children fail. Thanks R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 6:04pm

I knew actually how she would take it, or was pretty sure anyway. We have always been very close & very open with each other. (thats not at all to say that i EXPECT her to take a side ... i dont ... i have said thru this whole thing, all i ask of BOTH our families is that they take ONE side ... Averey's - my 5 yr old dd).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 6:21pm

Actually, i dont see bitter or innapropriate in any of that letter - but then again, you dont know me, my MIL or our relationship - obviously.

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