Wanting Support, not Criticism

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wanting Support, not Criticism
15
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 10:23am

I post regularly on Single Mothers and Dating mostly because I was a full time member and CL there after my first divorce. Well, I am separated from DH #2 and we have not declared the end yet. He's moved out but we are talking and he comes over and we spend time together. The girls at SMAD are already post divorce mostly and seeing other guys off and on so they are so far past the effects of the divorce. I am not past my split yet.

He's upset right now because I am insecure over my cheating ex and have accused DH of many things he has not done. We have hurt one another with words and actions, but we do love one another immensely and he is just mentally shut down right now. I am learning to accept that he would never do to me what my ex did and hopefully we can reconcile.

Why is it foolish to hope for that? Why when I've seen it done is it pathetic to love him so much when I know he loves me too?

~Melissa~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:29pm
I don't think it's foolish at all. I'm sure everyone wants to see the two of you succeed and get back together. When people give their advice and opinions about your situation, it's probably because they don't want to see you get hurt and make sure you are protected in the event you're unable to reconcile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:45pm
Thanks so much. I know it is about caring and ot wanting me to be hurt. It just irritates me that this one girl in particular who just chimed in today thinks she knows all about things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:58pm
Those people tend to annoy me, too. And they're the last people you want to hear from when you just need support. Some people do truly give advice from a place of caring, while others just feel the need to be critical know-it-alls. I know it's easy to say, "Just ignore them," but sometimes, when you're not in the mood top hear their opinions and criticisms, it can drive you batty!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 1:21pm
Seriously. I mean if I love the guy, even if he's bad for me, which he isn't, then what's the point in saying to take him to the cleaners? THis chick must have really been hurt. I mean I have too. My first XH cheated. Part of why I am separated is because of the after effects of that. I became insecure and accused DH of it. He's had enough of that. Rightly so. I now and beginning the healing process. I have begged and pleaded but to no avail. I must show him I have dealt with it. He doesn't trust me right now. But he will. SO here I am just asking for support and compassion. Thanks for being there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 1:31pm
Melissa, Hugs to you. You are not foolish. You can't be because that would make me foolish too. I will pray for your reconciliation as I do for my own. I still love my husband and after everything would take him back in a heartbeat. I know most around here don't want to hear that. I have even been told that I am not in love with my ex husband, that I am addicted. I refuse to believe that. Right now I have to do what is right for me and loving him right now even though he will very likely will never come home is right for me. Take care of you. You have nothing in this life if you don't have hope.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 1:57pm

I pray that you get what you want too. Just remember that if it's meant to be, it will. I always have to remember that so I will not feel so bad about things. DH is thinking. He knows how I feel and maybe he will come home again, maybe not. But I am hoping for a reconciliation. We are the loves of each other's lives. I cannot imagine where I'd be if I had not given him a chance. I almost didn't.

~Melissa~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 4:06pm

Hey there...


I'm sorry you're going through all of that on the other board.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 8:54am

I am so sorry you are having difficulties in your relationship. I am so afraid the same insecurities you are having with husband #2 due to husband #1's infidelities will happen with me. I think it's probably a natural reaction.

I don't mean to pry and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable but how long after husband #1 did you meet and marry husband #2.

Just curious, I am recently divorced and soooo afraid of a commitment (I don't even know how to have a friendship for fear of commitment)right now because I really do feel like I'm broken and I need a LOT of time to mend.

I hope your husband understand your insecurities and perhaps the two of you can talk to a professional to get through all this. --

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 9:31am

never mind.....

Also, it's not right to bash another board......




Edited 5/26/2007 9:46 am ET by debs1999
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 11:57am

Lissa,


Hi and welcome.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

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