Was he my last chance?
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| Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:32am |
When is this going to get better. I feel like he was my last chance, and I won't ever find anyone again. The thought of being alone, panic sets in. I feel like a train-wreck, and noooooo man, wants that. I don't want a relationship right now, but I just hope that I can find someone, some day. It's just been a really bad day. I miss him so much, but I fought tooth and nail, against this divorce, I prayed, I cried, I begged, I made a fool of myself for this man, and it didn't make a difference. I've held out hope for so long, and I have to stop. But how do I stop loving this man, that I gave all my love to, he was not only my husband, he was also my best friend. So I've lost both. I miss talking to him. I miss him. I know that alot of people on this board, wanted a divorce from their husbands. I did not, I wanted so much a for a second chance, with him. I just want to be able to get over him, and not hurt so much. How do I do this? I just want to stop hurting! The stress is making me sick to stomach, and I cry all the time. I talked to a therapist, but that was one time, and just drudged up memories. I don't see her again until March. I just want to be a normal happy woman, again. Not a mess, which I am now! Any guidance would be helpful.
Thank you so much for listening, it does help!

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Pink,
First some "tough love" and then some words of encouragement.
Tough Love: You have to go through pain and grief to deal with it. You can't avoid it and as much as it hurts to feel the pain it's important you work through it so you can move on.
Words of encouragement: Now is the time to grieve. When you have worked through your grief and hurt you can think and see a lot better. As for relationships, the most important one you can work on is yourself. It is very important you heal and become a whole person again on your own before you enter a new relationship. For one thing, a healthy, healed person has a lot better "radar" for what she wants, needs, and is able to seek in a new relationship. A hurt, bleeding, broken hearted person is "shark bait" for the first guy who pays you attention. Dont' go there.
A new relationship will happen if you want that. But take this time to work through your grief, find yourself, and become a great individual before you become coupled again. Your future relationships will be happier, stronger, and better for it.
Take care,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi guys,
My husband left me in November 2003 after 27 years of marriage. Not only did he leave, he did everything to destroy my relationship with my children. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that the person I lived with for 27 years, not only didn't want me, but wanted to erase my very existence from him and my kids lives. It's been a tough road. The first year I buried myself in self pity and believed him that I wasn't worth anything. He had stripped every bit of self-confidence from me. Through counseling and a great lawyer looking out for my welfare, I started bouncing back the second year. The divorce was final in July 2005.
All I can tell you is go slow and give yourself plenty of time to heal. Think back, you have lost good friends before and you moved on. Think of him/her as one of those friends. One thing that is always constant is that things change. Until you adapt to those changes, your life is a little off course.
He is not your last chance, you are just getting ready for different opportunities. I thought that I would never have another chance at a relationship again. I was also very angry at the fact that I had given this man all these years of my life and he just threw them away. Who would possibly want a 50 year old woman? Well, I have been in a few relationships and I discovered, there are plenty of people out there if I really feel a need to be with someone. I've developed some awesome friendships that would have never occurred had I stayed married. You can't erase the past, but you can use that past to build a better future. You will always have good memories of what you had, but now is the time to build new "good" memories without him or her. Life goes on.
I was talking with a friend of mine who was getting divorced about the same time I was. We were laughing about the fact how we thought we were special because we were getting a divorce.
You will be happy again if you want to be. Your loss will help you grow in other ways you didn't think possible. I promise you.
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