We had our 1st counseling session today
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We had our 1st counseling session today
| Mon, 06-05-2006 - 8:29pm |
The kids and I had our first session today. They were pretty well behaved, LOL. It is hard to sit still for awhile. Geoffrey keeps wanting to call dad, all the time. He really showed up during the session, even said he was mad at me. He wants his dad. He said he is happier with dad than me. The therapist asked him about dad bathing him, sleeping with him and letting him do almost anything he wants. He agreed about all that. So the therapist wants to see him by himself next week. My eldest started tearing up talking about dad. It hurts that he won't see them. When we got home I let them outside to play for awhile. I couldn't help but tear up over what he said. My oldest, Kyle, hugged me and said Geoffrey only said it because I disipline him and dad doesn't. Then he started crying because he doesn't want to loose Geoffrey to dad. OMG! He even said in the session that it isn't Geoffrey's fault dad spoils him. How mature is that boy!?! God I love him. I love all of them. Sometimes though you can feel like a complete failure. Why do I have to be the bad guy for making and following the rules? I can't compete with stbx playing fun going dad. I don't want to. But it kills me hearing my son say those things. He doesn't call me when he is at dads. I call each night but that is it. Geeezzzz! We do fun, active things. What gets me in trouble with him is that I won't fix an extra meal for him. That if I say "no" I don't cave when the lower lip comes out. I can't. I have FOUR children. If I didn't set boundaries this would be a mad house. Well, we'll see. Maybe the therapist can give me some pointers after next weeks session. We still don't have our mediation date set yet. Maybe this will give me a little extra something before that. Especially since he may still go for custody. I am not liking this four day, three day split. Too much.

My kids rarely call me when they are with their dad... I hope that means they don't miss me; I know they love me... and your kids will recognize the balance that discipline provides.... discipline = attention and love in a child's eyes, although they would never admit it.... or even really realize that is what they're feeling when they "know mom really cares because she won't let me stay up until 2 AM"... because when they stay up until 2 AM at dad's, everyone is grumpy and they feel bad to boot the next day.
Keep doing what you're doing..... tell your kids that you're glad that they can tell you how they're feeling.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Oh this is familiar to me.
My ex is supposed to take the kids 3 days per week but actually has them much less. When he does have them it is fun and games. I was the "fun hater" when we were married and I still am now. I have rules and expect them to be followed. What makes this even harder is that when we were all together, he undermined me and elevated the kids to a higher level. So, not only are we working on rules but also the place that they should be at in the world. I struggle with this every day. I feel guilty because I want them to love me too. I know that they do but I want them to cling to me the way they do with him. The people around me say that they do this because they can feel him slipping away and because they feel like they need to take care of him. Don't know but it still hurts.
I am sure that everything will be fine. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~