We had our 1st forensic evaluations.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
We had our 1st forensic evaluations.....
4
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 8:52am

Whew,
On Saturday I had my first FE. I was nervous leading up to it and tried to be as calm as possible once I got there. I had to take a "test" if you will of true and false questions. Can you believe this damn thing was 569 questions. That's right 569. My God. That I was not expecting then afterwards came the interview. It was two of them (men) dr's. Once took notes and the other talked. We discussed when ex and I first go together, why we broke up, he asked why I thought he wanted joint custody, and so on. Then he asked, so what's the story with the tv's. Geez ex went there the week before me and is still ranting to anyone who will listen about the material stuff between us. Ex said there were 4 tv's I confirmed there were three and that I was willing to compromise but he wanted it his way or no way at all. I expressed my concern about his extreme anger towards me and the dr stated he doesnt think the anger is just towards me, it seems to be about others as well. He said it seems he could benefit from some counseling. He asked me if I think he knows what he wants and I said at times no. He said he doesnt think he knows what he wants but he can see he loves his son. I agreed that is the one think I know without a doubt that he loves our son.

WHOW! If they request some sort of therapy ex is going to be pissed and ofcourse blame me. But hey him and his lawyer are the reason we had to do this eval to begin with. Why they are trying to paint me as unstable he better watch his step. On a whole it went rather well. It felt really good to know they could see through his rantings which Im sure he did. Him and I both have to go back with our son. Dont know what that will be about but another hurdle cleared.

L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:26pm

It sounds like it went very well... and I think that it was good that you could honestly say that "at times" you don't think he knows what he wants vs. saying that he's an irrational bleeb... and that you said that you really do think that he loves his son.


The bottom line is.... he needs help so that he can be a better person... for HIMSELF.... as well as for his child and everyone else around him, and maybe this will be the ticket to get him there.


And hey, you had to go through the same process as him.... let him blame whoever for whatever.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:35pm

I think its wonderful that you agreed with him that your ex loved your son. It goes a long way when you can be amicable and say positive things in regards to the ex despite the negative situation you find yourself in. It will go a long way to support a positive situation for YOUR side of things. If your ex is doing nothing but badmouthing you, it will not fare well for him because you will look much better that you are trying to remain calm and amicable during this situation to outside people.

Good job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:50pm
I told them how Ive tried to include him in things that go on with ds. For instance there's a little graduation ceremony coming up end of June. I told him and he's was like he doesnt know b/c he's only allowed a certain # of days to be out from school and he thinks there already taken. Whatever I thought, Im going w or w/o him. So he asked how would I feel if he wanted the gf to come and I told him I expected that he would want her there and it wouldnt be a problem. I mentioned the barber shop invite and how she was there and it was civil. Told him I have no problems with her as long as she doesnt interfere with ex and me when we are dealing with ds. He asked if the barber shop encounter was civil between us - Yes. Asked was she more civil than him again - Yes. I told him I had to adjust to accepting another woman in ds life and it wasnt easy but I just want what's best for ds so I needed to do it. So he said it seems that Ive done some soul searching to get there and I told him I did. It went really well I think. Now we'll see what type of report they make. He did say that joint custody is not an option. Hopefully with this we wont have to take all the time to still go trial.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:57pm
It seems like your EX made a pretty clear impression of himself all on his own... and I do think that more than anything you'd like to be able to be great co-parents.... just without all of the hurdles that you've had to jump... and that you've managed quite successfully.... so far.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~