We thought we'd be together forever...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
We thought we'd be together forever...
4
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:09am
He signed the papers today. I go to court to make it final Tuesday. We are both so incredibly sad. We both though we would be together forever. We were together 20 years, and it all fell apart. He cheated on me, and we just couldn't work it out. He wouldn't give up his GF, and wouldn't see a therapist. I finally gave up, and after months of therapy, I filed for divorce. Now that it is almost over though, I just can't believe this is how we ended up. Despite all the hell he put me through, I still feel bad that he is sad. My friends all tell me it's karma that he's suffering now, and I know it's true. But at the same time, I feel guilt. Someone please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt this way. It seems ridiculous to still care about how he's doing in all this, but I loved him for a lot of years, and I just can't be mean about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:35am

I am sure you are going through a range of emotions right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 7:31am
I have a similar story. I've dealt with one night stands and other issues of total disrespect. I wanted to be in one marriage until I got old so I held onto a dream instead of the reality. I, too, would feel sorry for my stbx when he cried and was upset. I don't anymore. HE made this choice and HE is having to suffer the consequences. The rest of us live by the choices we make and he isn't any different. It takes a while to process everything, believe me. When I was fully into the anger stage, his sadness would make me ill. I had to avoid him so I would throw something at his head LOL!! Now, I just walk away. Maybe one of the women he slept with can give him some comfort. I'm done. Anyway, the point is, you will feel all sorts of strange emotions. Just know that being on a roller coaster is normal for a while. It gets better and you do get over it. You just need time as well as a plan for your new life. Good luck with everything. Sorting out the emotions from infidelity can be SO exhausting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:45am
In almost all cases, at some point during a divorce, we end up feeling a sense of loss and sadness. Some people experience this most strongly right before they file, and others, at the end. You shared a life with him, and I am sure there were good times, so it's completely normal to feel sad. And don't be ashamed to get counseling if you need it to help sort through your feelings.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:52am
Are you seeing a counselor?? What about feeling badly for yourself?? Maybe because you are a caregiver. Women tend to be the caregivers in relationships and tend to try to fix things, so for 20 years you probably were the fixer of problems, and you can't fix this problem. Don't feel guilty for doing what you needed to do to protect yourself, he cheated on you, betrayed you and refused to give up his girlfriend, you did NOTHING to feel guilty about, its okay to care about someone, but don't fall into caregiver and feel the need to protect him or fix his problems. You are not responsible for his issues. Come out of that role.