Wedding Anniversary Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Wedding Anniversary Today
3
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 3:56pm

Today is the 8th anniversary of when I got married, and I'm not sure how I should handle it. I've been separated for over two years now and preparing financially to file for divorce by January. I speak to STBX almost every day when he calls for the kids, but there is really nothing left between us and he knows that I want a divorce. I didn't think that I would care too much that today was my anniversary, but as the day approached, I wondered what would be the best thing to do. For the past two years, STBX would send flowers to my office and then we would go out to dinner. I'm way beyond that now, and know that it is not healthy for me to be around him as he was, and continues to be when given an opportunity, emotionally abusive. I have also moved on from the marriage and know that STBX is not a man that I want to share my life with. I did, however, send him an e-mail acknowledging our wedding anniversary and saying that I wish things had turned out differently. I haven't heard back from him, but surprisingly, that's okay. He can't ignore the big white elephant in the room.

A friend suggested that I find some way to celebrate my freedom today. Since it's a school night, I plan to just take the kids out for dinner and then relax at home. But tomorrow night, I'm going with a friend to an event at a NYC club hosted by an organization she belongs to. I haven't had a reason to dress up and go out for a long time, but the babysitter is ready and so am I! I guess it will be a good way for me to enjoy myself and get my mind off of this whole situation for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 7:16am
Wow. Nov 17th was my anniversary, it would have been 16 years. I didn't do anything, I worked till 7:30 and then came home and watched TV with the kids and went to bed. I'm celebrating my "freedom day" today by having my tubes tied. LOL LOL Seriously, I'm having the surgery this morning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 10:37am
I hope that your surgery is successful. It sounds like you had a good evening last night.
I had a nice time, too. I took my two sons to IHOP (they couldn't believe that they could eat pancakes at night!) and we had fun. STBX called me later to ask if I was avoiding him. He hadn't gone to work so he didn't see my e-mail, and he claims that he called me at work, but I was on the phone. He sounded really down and told me that he was having a hard time dealing with the anniversary. It's funny, but I realized at that point that I've done a lot more healing than he has. I could have been all sad and depressed too, but I just thought fondly of a few good memories with him, accepted that those times have passed, and went to sleep in peace. Tonight I'll party!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 4:23pm

I don't even think my ex remembers the day. My mother always reminded him. He's such a caveman about stuff like that, he doesn't even remember the births of our kids or what times they were born or what they weighed. Those things I'll remember till I die.

The surgery went really well. It was very quick and efficient. While he was in there he discovered some endometriosis and treated it. I didn't even know I had it! I feel like I've opened a new chapter in my life. I've had four babies and they are all growing up so I've got to focus on getting through their teen years. The only thing I miss about babies is being loved unconditionally. My teenagers hate me, lol.