Weekend from Hell! My own fault...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Weekend from Hell! My own fault...
2
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 8:54pm

Ok so I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through the weekend from Hell but I truly feel I can say that I learned my lesson!
My stbx stayed the weekend (and not just 2 nights but 3 bc of the holiday!) here at our house bc he wanted to spend the holiday and his time off from work with our daughter and getting things done around the house to move out. He has a room at the barracks and I'm still in our house on base for another 15-30 days.
Ok so, I have to admit that I forced the issue of him being with our daughter for Easter and I forced the issue of him getting things done around here...I'm glad he did those things but they came at the cost of my sanity!
I can not be around that man with out driving both of us crazy. Yep, I'm the instigator in our relationship. I bombard him with questions that I really don't want to hear the answers to and I pick and bicker the whole time we are in the same room.
Why do I do this to myself? As if fighting and being hateful and mean to him will bring him back! Obviously that didn't work to keep him around in the first place so I can't blame the man for running away while he can. I know that a divorce is the best thing for us and our daughter. We have had some really great times but for the past few year we've both been at our breaking points. Neither of us feel that we can please the other, neither of us are happy.
With all this said, I'm still so sad that I am going through this. I dread moving, getting a full-time job (I've been home with my daughter for 2.5 years), and being alone. Most days I think I still love him and would take him back if he asked.
Being single is probably the best thing for me though....I'll have a chance to put things in perspective and try to change those things I know I did wrong in my marriage.

Sorry for rambling. I wasn't sure how this post would turn out...it doesn't seem like I read too many posts about the bad things that we do in our relationships but I had to get it out. Seems like most people here are the ones dealing with their stbx/x's terrible behavior. My stbx has been a jerk by putting his job first (USMC) and in the last 2 years he has had an emotional affair and now a full blown affair. Before that he really was great and put up with me putting my job first and being mean to him. Our relationship dynamics changed a lot when I was 8 months pregnant and stopped working and was home bugging him constantly and miserable being home alone. Once our daughter was born I became even more bossy and expected a lot of him. I had post-partum depression and didn't know it until my stbx has an emotional affair with a girl he met on a business trip. I went to the doctor because he said he wouldn't stay with me unless I got on meds or something. We tried marriage counceling for a few weeks and then we were "ok" for a year and a half...then he had a sexual affair with a co-worker/friend and before I found out he asked for a divorce and never considered changing his mind.

Any thoughts are welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 5:59am
It sounds like you have a lot of good insight into what went wrong and both of your parts in what happened. Sounds like there were a lot of things that went wrong and some of it completely out of your control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:12am
You're too hard on yourself! HUGS! We've all done things in our relationships we wish we hadn't. You've owned up to the fact that you had something to do with the demise of this relationship. However, you are most definitely not the only one at fault. Remember that.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson