Weekend Visit Aftermath Part 2
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Weekend Visit Aftermath Part 2
| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 2:40am |
My hubby and I have been married to each other twice in almost 14 years. We were divorced when our second child was 4 months old, reconciled, remarried and now he left again when our third child was 6 months old. (He blames me for everything including that he "cannot be with me" but that is a whole different story involving serious post-partum depression.) Here we are with three kids ages 11 years, 3 years and almost 1 year old. He has taken our 11 year old overnight just three times and our 3 year old just four times since he moved out in January. He has only taken our 1 year old out of my house once (to the park). Obviously the time they spend with Daddy is not nearly enough and consequently the time I get away as well but the problem with the visits is our kids never say they have fun. They can play games, go to the movies or just stay in but when they come home I ask how it was and the oldest shrugs and middle one says he did not have fun. I have talked to my hubby and he tells me what they have done and it sounds like a good time and he says the kids smile, laugh and play like would be normal but they have no joy when talking about time spent with Dad.
My hubby is a workaholic and often has to do little things on his computer while they are there. He works about 20 hours a day. Even our therapist has never met anyone that works as much as he does. He seems to make time for them but it also seems like the time spent does not make up for the seemingly lack of effort he makes at other times (this reason was hinted to me by our daughter). I ask them in many different (positive) ways to tell me about their time with Dad. I do not pry and they are not my spys, his life is his own now but even if I know they went to a movie and I ask our 3 year old how it was he says he did not have fun.
My question I guess is, what do I say to my kids? Can this interaction with Dad be doing harm? The time spent is getting more and more sparse as he deals with his job and "adjusts to life without his family" (his words) and he has not taken them overnight at his place in 1 1/2 months. Should I make him take them? Should I be glad he doesn't take them more? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. -Rak
My hubby is a workaholic and often has to do little things on his computer while they are there. He works about 20 hours a day. Even our therapist has never met anyone that works as much as he does. He seems to make time for them but it also seems like the time spent does not make up for the seemingly lack of effort he makes at other times (this reason was hinted to me by our daughter). I ask them in many different (positive) ways to tell me about their time with Dad. I do not pry and they are not my spys, his life is his own now but even if I know they went to a movie and I ask our 3 year old how it was he says he did not have fun.
My question I guess is, what do I say to my kids? Can this interaction with Dad be doing harm? The time spent is getting more and more sparse as he deals with his job and "adjusts to life without his family" (his words) and he has not taken them overnight at his place in 1 1/2 months. Should I make him take them? Should I be glad he doesn't take them more? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. -Rak

HI there.... I think that if you try to make him take them, you're just setting them up for more disappointment.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~