Welcome to our new board everyone!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Welcome to our new board everyone!!!!
14
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 4:32pm
Just wanted to welcome you to our new look! I know change is hard, but with some practice, this isn't so bad!!

One thing I've learned, if you get lost after clicking next next next, see the underscored words above with "surviving Divorce" there? If you click that, it'll take you back to our main board!!

Huge hugs and again welcome! We hope you all enjoy this new format, and ask as many questions as you have!!

Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:36pm
hello all

penny here. I'm 32 and currently seeking a divorce from my husband of nearly three years after he left me seven months ago.I've moved back to my home town and have managed to muddle through most of the relationship stuff, and am working through the single parent concept(did I neglect to mention I'm 8 months pregnant:). Does anyone know since I am still legaly married to him (he's done a greatjob of disappearing) if I have to use my married name (I never legaly changed my name)or if I can use my maiden name, which I've been using since I returned home, when I give birth? I want nothing to do with him and he has disputed paternity so child support is a moot point. sorry this is so long
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:48pm
Child support is NOT a moot point! Just because he disputes paternity....a DNA test can be done, and he can be ordered child support. Why give that up??

You can name your child whatever you want to name him. You can give him your maiden name. When you married, did you legally change your name? If so, you have to change it back for things to be legal.

Hugs and welcome to the board!!!! Please let us know how you are! And congratulations on the baby!!!

Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:21pm
Welcome! Debs is right! Moot point my fanny! If you are sure he's the dad... then go ahead and name him as the father on the birth certificate and go after him for support. Let him prove the baby isn't his.... or waste his money anyway.

Yep! You can name that sweet babe whatever you want.

hugs,

Karen


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:22pm
ahah finaly found my original post!My SCOAH(seperated coward of a husband)has literally disappeared of the radar screen and, the little contact I haave had with him in tre to do with himhe last seven months(on the phone and by ewmail) have been so sick and negative, I really want nothing more to do with him.Although it does bother me that he has used me for so long and gets to walk awayt scott free with no reprocussions. His parents are influential residents of Washington DCand have basicly told me it was my decision to have this child and they feel their son can barely take care of /support himself(never mind his law degree.Apparently they were depending on me to do that for him in their absence)and can hardly be held responsible for the care of a child(he is only 37 after all). I could and probably should write a book.But for now I need to focus on baby and finding enough work to support us both. more to come after the baby shower next week :) Sorry about the spelling mistakes and the length
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:29pm
If he's working, he can be found. n/t
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 7:03am
His parents told you WHAT?!?!??!?! LOL! I would have LAUGHED in their face. Let's see... if HE didn't want or need kids..... it was HIS responsibility to take care of that on HIS end, and let's face it, ANY time you have sex, even protected sex, you are taking a risk.

I can't believe they said that to you... like that threat (and that's what it was) was supposed to mean something to you. Well, it means that they are idiots. Barely make it. HA! HA! HA!

Don't you even thing for a second that you're going to do this on your own. True, it might be a pain to enforce getting child support, but child support DOES need to be a part of his life. If he chooses to not pay it, then let HIM carry that burden. My guess anyway is that his mommy and daddy will pay it for him if push comes to shove anyway.... so make sure that you get child support in your divorce settlement.

hugs,

Karen


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:10am
I don't even make excuses like that for my 10-yr-old! She messes up--she has to live with the consequences. One of the best things we can teach our children is to be responsible--and to consider the consequences of an action before taking said action. Obviously this grown man was never taught that lesson.

I've had to re-learn this lesson this past year. Reading Suze Ormon's _Lessons of Life, Law of Money_ has helped too. Three months ago I thought bankruptcy was in my future--especially with a layoff coming. But I've faced my responsibilities and I've stopped making excuses. I've made a lot of changes and although I still have a huge pile of debt weighing me down, I'm taking control of it. It doesn't control me. I'll be out of the mess in five years or less.

Kim
. . . plus-sized 43-year-old music junkie and Bohemian-wanna-be with a quick wit, naughty sense of humor, an

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:24pm
yea,his dad actually said and I quote "SCOAH is concerned that he will have to support this child for the next 18 years" implying strongly that I should relieve him of that responsibility in whatever way i felt neccisary. In the same conversation it was made very clear to me that they would be there for me as long as i was still his wife(making me feel like I was otherwise a non person). My concern in going after child support is that he will use it as an excuse to ruin my life(he's angry at himself and the world just enough to do it). And as for working, he is "working" though I doubt the irs knows about it and as far as I can tell he's making money under the table and or out of his house, in order to avoid me and any divorce papers.He has instructed all of his friends to ignore me and his parents refuse to speak to me. Any thought on how to go after someone(for support) who lives in an oregan town that is so tuned in to tuning out it's easy to disappear?thanks for all the response folks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 9:46pm
Yes, there is something called "minimum wage base" which is the amount the state determines an able bodied person *should* be able to make if they just try to work. Also, there is another term called "earning potential".... used to determine what the average person that has his level of education and experience would make if they were employed.

This keeps people from not working to avoid paying child support.... or to quit a higher paying job to work for a lesser paying job to avoid paying support.

Do you have ANY past tex returns to show what he's made in the past. If you can, get all documents like that you can..... pay stubs, tax returns, etc.... also, diplomas, resumes.

hugs,

Karen


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:05pm
he hasn't paid taxes in two, possibly three years. Claims now,to be a contientious objector to taxes of course, like a lot of things(after we got married a lot of his opinions changed overnight)I have filed seperately for the entire time we were married. I do have some papers on his financial information so maybe my attorney can do something with that , we'll see.

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