Well the 1st court date is done...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Well the 1st court date is done...
9
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:15am

things went as I expected them to pretty much. It's something I can live with. My ex will get the baby every other weekend from 11-6pm starting tomorrow. This is what I expected that it would begin tomorrow and I have no problem with that.

The kicker was him and his lawyer actually was trying to get me to provide the food for the visits. HA! Can you imagine this is his son and he doesnt even want to feed him! Is he crazy or what. They also wanted me to either deliver the baby to him or pick the baby up from him. Again, HA! That was a no go as well. This man has alot of nerve to even request these things.

After seeing the judge, we were told to go to another floor to get the copies of our orders and I said to myself okay saturday is right here I will try to end the silence thats been between us and try talking to him. My God is he a bitter S.O.B I walked over to him took a breath and said since your gonna be getting the baby we do have to talk sometimes so why no start now. He looked straight ahead and didnt even flinch. So I figured maybe he didnt hear me so I said it again and no answer or acknowledgment at all. Then I said Im not against you ya know. NOTHING. To hell with him then. Ive tried to be civil. How does he expect to have the baby and doesnt want to talk to me. What if something happens will he just not tell me?

I bet he will want to talk tomorrow morning when he sees me just sending the baby and no diaper bag with all the things the baby will need. I cant believe he's acting so immature. How are we supposed to co-parent when he cant even put himself aside and think about the baby's needs. What's best for the baby is to see us "getting along" to have a happy exchange with no animosity or tension. I hope he gets it together by tomorrow. What he doesnt realize is that he's the one who will need a favor from me before I need it from him.

We had a conference before seeing the judge and everyone was on time except for him. He was 45min late. So if he cant even be on time for court imagine for the visits. If he's 30min in picking him up the visit is cancelled. If he's 30min late in bringing him home the next visit is cancelled.

Ugh, I cant take him, he's so self-centered.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:55am

Wow.... is that 30 minute "rule" to forefeit the visit written?


I'm betting that he won't show.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 12:41pm

Yes, the 30 minute rule is written. After reading it again last night when I got home now I'm thinking about it, the order doesnt specify if he calls say an hour or 1/2 hour before the visits and says he will be late if the visit can still be cancelled. So with that Im a bit unsure of. I put in a call to my lawyer to clarify. Hopefully she will call me back before tomorrow.

As far as him being so anal about the food. Ugh,he is soooo nasty with his attitude. Him just ignoring me like that. I may send like jell-o or crackers and a juice to tide the baby over until they reach their destination. I used to supply food, clothes the whole works but he was SO UNGRATEFUL. He would not return some of the baby's clothes and that made me buy extra to replace what he kept. He still has clothes at his house that i never got back that the baby cant even wear now. Just a waste.

He also isnt supposed to take the baby to his house because he has carpet. So he claims he will take him to the mall or something. Yeah right. For 6 hours at the mall. I dont think so. So that's another reason he probably wont keep him for the full time. I mean its winter and not alot of places to go outside. What will he do if the baby gets tired and goes to sleep. He cant lay him on a bench at the mall. Ugh. But I cant come across as not wanting him to get time with the baby. My lawyer says the judge we have has at times favored the dads so we have to seem cooperative. That scares me.

Especially since a lady yesterday in court lost custody of her kids to their father. She was hysterical beyound belief screaming, crying, jumping up and down crying no, no. He got my kids. Her mother passed out on the floor. My God it was horrible. I felt so so so bad for her. I wonder what could have occured for the judge to give the kids to the father. They said something about this going on for five years.

Whew. All I can do is pray that things to get to that point with me and my ex. But even my lawyer said he is concerned with his ego 1st and it shows he's mad I didnt let him have his way. And the baby's lawyer said he's being very immature. Also his girlfriend is only 19yrs. According to the report the social worker made when she visited his place. I thought she was at least by now 21 or 22. He will be 30 in april. Man he is something else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 2:13pm

The social worker's report stated his GF's age?..... LOL!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 3:49pm

Thanks I'll need an angel for tomorrow. My lawyer and the baby's lawyer suggested showing the baby pics of my ex and telling him he will be seeing "daddy" on saturday. He did when seeing him in the pictures say his name. Not daddy but called him by his names. So I said yes that is daddy. He seems to still remember him. So fine.

The funny thing is when the gf's age was mentioned, the baby's lawyer asked me how old my ex was and i said he'll be 30 this year, all, ALL the lawyer's sighed under their breath and made a little face. I dont know about his lawyer but the other three saw how selfish and immature he was being. I hope the judge will to. I wonder why a woman judge would mostly have a preference towards the dads in custody cases. That really scares me alot.

But I just hope he lets his true colors show. Do you think that he can hate me so much that he would be sick or crazy enough to neglect the baby or hurt him to hurt me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 5:04pm

Well, if he neglects or hurts the baby, there are serious consequences for that, and you should "evaluate" his as soon as he is returned to you, and call the police department and children's services ASAP if you notice anything.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 8:07am

I totally feel for you about the co-parenting situation. My STBX calls me every name under the sun (the worst names you can imagine), can't finish a phone conversation with me, and last week, he cursed me in front of our son last week, etc. How can we co-parent with men that act like this?

I did read a book at the recommendation of people on this board called Ex-Etiquette by Jan Blackstone-Ford. While it can't make the other parent behave, it has helpful hints in there.

And what is the BS about you providing food for the visits? Does he know what a grocery store is? Come ON. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 8:23am

I don't think he'd hurt the baby to get back at you. I think he'll just continue to be the same looser that he's always been toward you. My STBX HATES me with a passion, but I don't worry that he'd do anything to our son. That hatred is keenly focused on me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 8:24am

I wish the court could demand a lobotomy!!

Please update us when you get the baby back after the first visit. I hope it goes as well as it can given his immature, self centered attitude.

Kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2005
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 9:56pm

Why does your husband "HATE" you? You seem like such a good person from your postings on this board.

Is it possible....... That he just loves you and he is extremely hurt? I know I love my soon to be ex wife more than life itself. She has been dating someone since 33seconds after she moved out. I know I have said some poorly chosen words to her in the past but, I let my emotions get the best of me. I still let her rule my world. I know it is foolish but have been having a hard time lately.