Well, he moved out...kind of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2005
Well, he moved out...kind of.
1
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 10:53am

I'm not sure if you remember me or not. I was on here last week asking for advise about my husband who informed me a few weeks ago that he wasn't happy and wasn't sure if he wanted the marriage anymore. My post was "not sure where I belong".

Well, late Monday night I had asked him if anything had changed (we hadn't talked about it in over a week). He said no. Well, we got into it (it was probably one of our most heated converstations). No matter what I would say to him he just kept repeating that it wasn't me, it was him. He just doesn't know what he wants and he needs space. So, he decided that he was going to move out, but would stay Tuesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's to help me out with the kids and give me some time to get away. I'm not sure that's a good idea. If he needs space and is wanting to move out, shouldn't he move out? Not this part-time stuff. I told him that and he said he wanted to do this for now and see where it goes. I guess I don't have the choice of what I feel is best. I don't understand any of this.

Oh, and one side note, this morning he told me he was thinking about joining a health club. Come on, isn't that one of the telltale signs of not good things.

Oh and also, I asked him again if he wanted to do counseling. He said no, not him, not us.

Advise please.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:50pm

The point of having him fully move-out would be to help you to adjust to the plain fact that he is no longer a husband to you. If it is important that your heart be given a chance to make this realization, then you should consider rejecting his half-way offer.

He is done with the marriage. He has said the things that will get you to leave him alone, stop discussing it and stop trying to make him be a real husband. He wants out and he wants it the easiest way possible. You will begin by not believing it is over. But his behavior screams that it is. It will be very, very hard for you, this wrestling with hope. I am so sorry the coward is doing this to you!

If you really need the help (Tues, Thurs, Sat) and you don't think it will hurt you terribly to have him come (kind of like walking hot coals, most of us would rather not), then let him come but NO SLEEPING OVER. He is setting things up so it will be easy for him, and excruciating for you. You will get the treatment that you ALLOW.

What do you want to allow? To all else, say, "Heck No!" Hold your head up.