Well, horrendous visit for poor dd ...
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| Thu, 03-10-2005 - 11:04pm |
Without going into the horrid details, it started OFF bad. He came out of the house RAGING mad at me ... dd ended up sneaking to call me (at age FIVE) on my cell to come & get her. At 6:30 pm, less than an hour after the visit began, my cell phone rang. It was dd. She sounded ... scared? Nervous? Very quiet, sort of whispering to me. She said “Mommy? Its A”. I said “Hi Honey, are you having a good time?” She said “Mommy, Daddy says you don’t love him anymore & you threw him out of the house & you wont let him see me or give him any of his stuff” ... & I then heard STBX in the background, saying “Stop! Give me the phone”. I am assuming she called me on her own ... & he “caught” her. He got on the phone & said “I didn’t say those things to her, I told her I still loved Mommy”. I said “The visit is over, put her on the phone”. He tried to talk to me & again I asked for dd. I said “Honey, you have some more time you can spend with Daddy. Would you like to stay a while longer, or do you want Mamma to come & get you now? Whatever you want is ok”. She kept whispering “yes”. I made it clear, asking AGAIN, “Honey, you want to come home now? You want Mommy to come get you?” She said “Ummm, yes” .... & I said “Or do you want to stay & visit a little longer w/ Daddy & I will come get you later”. She whispered “no”. I told her I would be there to get her in 10 minutes. I *should* have gotten a police escort back, b/c it got bad.
He did everything from say in front of her that i must have killed all her fish (that she was SO devestated died right after he was made to leave), that the police kicked him out, "what am i DOING to dd to make her like this" (nervous around him), that he wasnt "allowed to see her or go to her bday party", & that he "had nothing, you took everything from me" (all said so dd could hear it) - & when i asked her to get her things, he told her she didnt "have to leave yet, he has till 8pm with her", he kept to rediredcting her to go play, while I kept asking her to put her shoes & coat on, he was asking her over & over if she "asked Mommy to come get her, if she WANTED to go, or did mommy tell you to say that?" Poor baby was so scared & confused, looking back & forth to us. Afraid of course, to say "I want to go home". I kept saying "You are breaking teh RO, let us leave". He kept blocking my way & by the time i had her in my arms carrying her, he was getting really irrational, trying to pull her away from me. By the time i got to my car, i had called the police on my cell. I said " I have a RO against my husband & sole custody of our daughter & he wont let me leave, please send someone now”.
He started yelling, crying, “I will lose my JOB! Call them back, please”. He was begging & crying. I said “Then you better leave NOW so your aren’t here, b/c they are on their way”. I got Averey strapped into the car seat, she was screaming & crying, banging on the window “No Daddy! No! Please Mommy! He will lose his job!” She was opening the window, reaching out to him as I drove quickly out of the driveway. (the visit supervisor, Jim, was in the bedroom with his son during this. Keeping HIS child out of teh crossfire, we NEVER expected all of this. So he wasnt able to really intervene. He called me later & said STBX left b4 the police came).
Later his brother called & said this: “M called me & he said right way ‘I f’d up. I couldn’t handle it. Its really over. I realized tonight when I saw her & I saw dd for the 1st time, that she will never take me back. I f’d up. I don’t know what to do. I cant handle this. I guess the only thing I can do is deal with it in counseling or something. I did this all in front of dd tonight & now its all affecting her”. His brother Ed said to me, “There is no excuse for what he did tonight, but I have to tell you - maybe something good will come out of it b/c this is literally the 1st time since this happened, that he has sounded rational & not out of his mind. I think he finally realizes what is happening & that he has royally screwed up. & i told him that yes, he DID screw it up big time & he HAD to start thinking of his dd”. All I said in response was “Yes, he did royally screw up & now he is not seeing dd until I am SURE it is safe. No matter how long it takes.”
& i emailed my atty & made it clear that ALL furture sceduled visitation is CANCELLED. & i will speak to them in the morning.
Lemme tell you how much this sucks. BUT ... he is just digging his own hole. He has NO leg to stand on.
Thanks for listening, R~


hugs hugs hugs to you and to avery.... i hope - for your dd's sake - that he CAN get his act together, but until that happens - you are right to protect your dd....
sorry for this...
Hi, Rlch! How awful for both of you! Maybe this is the wake up call that you so desperately wanted him to see! I hope so for Avery's sake as she does need her Dad and you both! It is terrible the way that he uses your dd like a pawn in a chess game...and to say such horrible things in front of her is beyond words!!!!
Huge Hugs to both of you and I pray that things get better!
Maybe he's finally hitting bottom. There's nowhere to go but up from there. Hopefully he'll get some help and in the meantime stay strong for your and your little one.
Melanie
Wow!..... I'm so sorry.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Edited 3/11/2005 12:45 pm ET ET by adam051671
I'm so glad you and Ave are okay, and so sorry you're both going through this. She will understand in time, especially since it looks like she'll be getting a long break from him and his manipulation.