Well, I did it...
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| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 7:23pm |
I went and got myself a job today. I start on Monday. It's a crappy job, and I'm only staying till I can find something else, but I need my own money if I'm going to do this. My brother is working on finding me something at his old job, where I have several friends working. That would only be part time, but there is always op for more hours if wanted. My husband wants me to work for more money, but seems upset that I'm actually doing it. I know why, it's because he's feeling like he's losing some control.
Also, there is this guy. We like each other, but it mixes my head up. I sometimes wonder if sometimes I just want to leave my husband because I have interest in someone else. I know that's not really the case, my marriage makes me extremely unhappy, even before I met this guy. I wouldn't leave because of him, he's not even the kind of guy I could see anything serious with. Maybe it's just another way of blaming myself for things.
Today was a good day, my husband didn't bother me when I went grocery shopping, and the kitchen was clean when I got home. Rarely does he ever even take a dirty dish to the kitchen. I don't know if I really like having good days, cause it makes me question EVERY thing. We don't really fight either, it's more like bickering all the time. Maybe it would be easier if we did fight. I just feel like the bad guy here. I almost left last year before I found out I was pregnant, and then I went back. Now things are worse than ever. I'm just not happy, haven't been for a long time, but he's not going to change. He just can't give me what I want. He doesn't have regard for my feelings, but at the same time, I really don't want to hurt him.
Thinking about the whole things just spins my head around. Tomorrow won't be a good day though, and I seem to be a little bit clearer on things when I'm mad at him. He's going out for the whole day. We had set up an arrangement about each of us going out every other weekend(we don't do anything together, because we don't like doing the same things) I went out last weekend, but he's going to be home around7-8pm, so I could still go out. I have had a very hard week(3hrs of sleep a night, due to many doctor trips for my son out of town, which he didn't bother to go to any) and I start work next week. I would like to go see my friends, but because of the agreement, it's going to be a fight.
Alright, I'm done. Just thought I would get that off my chest.

He cleaned up the kitchen aye!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~