Well, I just kicked him out! I'm a new

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Well, I just kicked him out! I'm a new
8
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 12:42pm
I am so sad, angry and betrayed right now, I don't know how I feel. I guess this is what you call the beginning of the separation stage. I feel like I don't know what the heck I am doing.
My husband of 2 years, we lived together for 3 years before is a dry alcoholic. He has openly admitted recently to me he has done hallucinogenics after we were married. We lived together for 3 1/2 years prior to marriage and I don't know what I was thinking in marrying him. There was one small slip with alcohol, but it lasted only a few days. I know now I was fooling myself.
He has always had a thing for internet porn and mags and last night I hit my limit when I was on his computer and saw he was receiving e-mails from an internet dating site. I have been in therapy for about 1 year and it seems the more I learn self-value, the less he likes me.
Apparently, he has been using this site for 8 months. I just couldn't take all the ups and downs, the insecurity and the moodiness. He says he never cheated on me, but I think he is on the edge of a cliff.
When he came home from work, if he had a bad day, he would just glare at me sometimes, like he hates me. It wasn't always like this or I wouldn't have married him. However, I guess on some level I knew, because I kept our apartment in my name only. For 4 years, I paid the rent or the housepayment, while he went to school and got his bachelor's degree. I thank God, I have my education and a job. However, I am just starting this new job on Monday.
So I am exceedingly stressed out right now.
I think it is evident he wants out, but yet he seems surprised and ticked off that I told him last night after making this internet dating discovery that I said "Get Out". I am done arguing with him, it doesn't do any good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 4:31pm

Hi.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:25am
It sounds like in the end, you made a good decision. There is no way you should have to be so unhappy. I know it's stressful right now, but stick to your guns.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 9:05am
What is up with the Internet dating? My STBX was involved with that too.I do'nt know if he had a paid membership, but he was on a few sites at least.On at least one he gave out his email address so they could contact him directly. Mine claimed he never cheated on me either, but what's he doing on the site in the first place? He had been on one site for months before I ever found out about it. I confronted him right away so I was never able to check the computer out to find out what really happened. I still wonder if he cheated on me. But if they're on these sites, aren't they looking to cheat? Anyway, sorry I rambled. Good luck,
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 12:47pm

I think that the internet dating sites are "safe" to them. You don't have to go out and MEET someone, but you get to find people looking for the same thing you are. I'm convinced that most of these guys on them aren't looking for a life partner..... just a little "somethin'-somethin'" on the side.

My XH is on several sites like that, and one of his profiles says "Married. Partner NOT included" or something to the effect. Think NW knows about that? *L*

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:07pm
I'm sure the new wife doesn't. It makes me so scared to ever date again. The Internet makes it even easier to be a cheater. Part of me wonders if he did cheat, but still why do it if you're not thinking about cheating?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:28pm
*L* And that's exactly why I read the BSSG board. I MIGHT be a betrayed spouse. XH met NW on one of those sites. Let me tell you, he made sure that I knew he was furiously dating by leaving his printed profiles out where I'd find them when I was picking up the girls. And when I mean OUT, I mean OUT as in .... in with my mail. The funniest thing is that according to him, NW hadn't dated in the 10 years since her divorce was final. But he met her on one of those sites........ *shrug* who knows!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2006
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 11:03am

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is really hard. My STBX still lives here, but not for long. For me, it was a slow process of discovery of what i needed. I think I first decided in early June but couldn't figure out HOW I was going to manage to leave him, especailly as a SAHM with no job. And then when it started to become a reality around the end of July, I would cry at the drop of a hat and I was absolutely reeling from the whole thing. The good news is that a month later, I feel pretty good. Most of the time I'm excited for my new life. My bad days come more in the form of anger and anxiety than from sadness. It does get easier!!!! (((hugs)))

Kate

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 3:47pm
Thank you all for your supportive messages. He still hasn't gotten out of here. I went to my counselor who suggested I contact an attorney. I think he is out looking for someplace to live. He admitted to me last night that he has also gone to strip bars and had lap dances in the past year. He really makes me sick.
The thing is he is hot tempered and getting rid of him in a peaceful manner may not be easy. Last night he called me a cold hearted b-tch for throwing him out when he doesn't have good credit and has misdemeanors (some for possession and one family violence with his ex-girlfriend) on his record. How is this my fault? He is the one treating me bad. I am depressed whenever I am home, I am actually much happier at work.
I am hoping the attorney can advise me on how to get him out of here if he refuses to leave. He says he will be out by the end of the week. God, I hope so. He has never hit me in our 5 and 1/2 years together, I keep the phone close in case I need to call the police. This morning he slammed the door so hard, I thought it would come off the hinges.