Well I tried

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Well I tried
4
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 11:35pm

My wife agreed to come over and talk tonight, I did most of the talking.

We have been married for 14 years and dated for 7 before that. She was unfaithful in college and I found out, so there has been a trust issue with me ever since and I acknowledge that. A week and half ago she confessed to an affair and moved out to her parents.

We have a 2 boys ages 6 and 11, and I feel her leaving is unfair to them and to both of our parents.

Tonight I asked her to attend counseling with me to see if we can't have a new beginning. She said she didn't want to do it just for the boys and I said that I wanted to do it for both she and I and the boys. I proposed tearing the house down and getting to the ground and trying to start rebuilding our foundation based on trust and communication.

I feel that I have a 10% chance at best right now but expressed my love and devotion to our family.

Still hoping for the best and expectng the worst.

JDW

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: jdwamazed
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:27am
I just want to say that I have a lot of respect for you. I hope you and your wife can work things out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: jdwamazed
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:59am

JD,


I think counseling is a great idea and one I encourage you to pursue. Do it with the spirit of uncovering the issues in your marriage such as her infidelity and your insecurity. It may or may not lead to the healing of your marriage, but the information you gain from counseling would go a long way to helping each of you see how you both contributed to the marriage. That will be a major help to how you decide to raise your sons. And it may help you both see ways to release your anger toward each other so you can be good parents whether or not the marriage survives.


I'm not sure how your parents figure into this. Remember, its YOUR marriage, not your parents, not hers. Your parents or in-laws may have strong feelings about your separation/divorce but you aren't living their marriage - you have your own. Keep that in perspective as you go to counseling.


Best wishes,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: jdwamazed
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 12:21pm

Wow! Wish someone with your values and commitment were the other half of my soon to end marriage. My stbx takes the attitude of your wife.

Such a shame.

Adults putting their selfish wants ahead of the genuine needs of their innocent young children still amaze me. Marriage and parenting require sacrifice.

I will pray for your family that somehow your efforts will sway your wife and she too will work to rebuild the marriage.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: jdwamazed
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 1:35pm
I will pray for you. You are not alone. Take care of yourself through this and best of luck. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda