Well, it's final!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Well, it's final!
11
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:20pm

Our divorce was final on Friday. He actually showed up this time. He is the one that filed then stopped one day before it was supposed to be final in January, didn't show up in June for court and finally he showed up Friday. I had told him in June that if he had no plans to move out of his girlfriend's house, he needed to stop dragging it out and get it over with because I wasn't waiting anymore for him to sit on the fence. His response..."I'm sorry you think I am dragging it out." Hello!! It's been 14 months...I would think you would have a clue what you want by now!

Anyway, everything had already been signed and agreed on. We just had to appear in the judge's chambers as a formality (actually I didn't have to go since I didn't file but I did anyway just so he would have to face me). It took about 2 minutes...less than the wedding! So far, I am OK with the whole thing. I mean, it was really a formality since we have been living apart for 15 months already. I expected to be a little more upset or something but I wasn't. Now I just have to get through his wedding in September to his skanky girlfriend. Her divorce will have only been final for 11 months and his will have been final for about 45 days when they get married. Can you say...STUPID! I'm not sure which one to feel the most sorry for because they both obviously have relationship issues - like they can't be alone.

Anyway, has anyone had to deal with a remarriage of their X so soon after the D was final. Like I said, the actually divorce date came and went without must emotion on my end (I mean I did get upset briefly after court but then I was OK). But it is going to be hard to know that he has remarried so quickly (and to the person that broke up our family no less). I keep telling myself that he did me a favor...and I really believe he did. He is obviously not the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I should thank her, too, huh?

Oh well, I will survive this, too. I've made it this far. I'm certainly not going to quit now!

Stephanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:20pm

Sorry to say, I have been in your shoes. My X married 55 days after our divorce was final. We had been married 24 years, and my X is her third husband in 8 years. (She is 14 years younger than him) Can you say relationship issues. To top it all off, she got pregnant on their "honeymoon" so now we all have to deal with that.

I, too, was crushed, and he probably did me a favor because I probably would never have let go. I have 2 grown kids and 1 at home. We are doing the every other weekend thing and my youngest is really the only one that has to deal with the step and soon half-brother thing.

I feel my self getting stronger all of the time, but it has been the hardest 8 months of my life (they married in Dec). And the sad thing is (i guess) is that he really has realized what he has done, and now realizes the grass isn't always greener. I kind of feel sorry for him really, because I think she got him hook, line & sinker. I don't think he will ever be truly happy.

Good luck to you and may we all find the happiness WE deserve!

hbx3

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:42pm

My EX said he'd "never marry anyone but me".... he's married (not me me) and I'm still single..... 7 years later :-)


It sounds as if your EX *had* to pull through with your divorce.... so that he can get married again?????


I think it's perfectly OK to be sad and shed some tears.... no matter how much you think you're ready and prepared for it.... it is a landmark, life altering thing.... even if you're already going through the motions.


Go ahead.... feel it.... then tromp on forward with a new, terrific, fabulous life.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 5:10pm

That is soooo wierd. Are they all alike? Mine also told me he "wouldn't marry anyone but me." Even told our grown daughter that if he every married again it would only be to remarry me. LOL. When I questioned him about doing all of the things he said he wouldn't do, his answer was that he had a right to change his mind!

Oh well, I'm sure I got the better end of the deal. He now deals with a jealous, pregnant wife 14 years his junior!

hbx3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:13pm
Congratulations, steph! You're onto bigger and better things! Just think, now he's *her* problem! That should make ya smile! :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:26am

Let's put it this way..... I *hope* they aren't all alike (although somedays I wonder)... LOL!


I never said a word to mine when I found out he was dating.... and them remarried.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:04am

Oh, I hope they aren't all the same, too! I have to believe that there are still some decent, honest guys out there who mean what they say and can be faithful to one woman.

As for my X, I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. He told me all sorts of things that he would *never* do to me and he's already done most of them. I am actually glad to be rid of him. I *never* thought I would say that but now I see him for what he really is. It is really kinda sad because he used to be a good guy until he met the OW. He has changed completely since then and has turned into somebody I'm not interested in knowing, much less being married to. And he is definitely her problem now. They can spend the rest of their lives wondering which one is going to cheat first since they both have that history. Not to mention that their house will be full of 5 rowdy kids every other weekend - ages 11 (her hellion #1 who thinks she knows it all), 10 (my oldest who is 10 going on 25), 7 (my middle child who is VERY high energy), 4 (her hellion #2 who rules the roost) and 16 months (my baby who has special needs)! Oh to be a fly on the wall.....

I sent him an email last night about some things regarding the kids and at the end I actually thanked him for showing up in court on Friday and told him that I thought this was the best thing for everybody as long as we could work together regarding the kids. I truly believe it, too. I felt so much better after I sent it. I think I got some satisfaction from letting him know that I'm actually better off without him but at the same time, I want him to know that I don't hate him. I don't particularly like him...but I don't hate him.

Anyway, thanks so much for all the kind words and support. I just love this board!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:09am

I don't like my EX.... particularly.... but don't hate him, either :-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:46am

Congrats!!

My EX and I went out for drinks afterwards. We were "friends".

Fast forward 2 months. EX is one month behind in alimony & CS. Quit his job (worked for my family and now my father was making it uncomfortable to work since he took away the gas card and his freedom to go on vacations-already took three weeks in the first 6 months of the year-and he is threatening a lawsuit based on discrimination due to maritial status). Comes over last monday asking me to pay my lawyer to have child support modified since he is not working (legitimately anyways-I know he did a side job for cash but he won't claim that cuz it's "his" money)

He has taken our 2 kids to her state 800 miles away to pick her ass up to live her on a trial basis for three months. She's a nurse so she has taken an assignment as a traveling nurse here.

I can't trust one word he says. He said he wouldn't have anyone move in. She is just a roommate but she doesn't have to pay rent. She may occasionally help pay utilities he claims.

She is not yet divorced. I don't get why people drag out the inevitable. You don't want to be with me than don't be married to me. I'm so glad your EX met you at court. I suppose he had no choice since he is planning on remarring. What a moron. Why don't they try living by themselves to figure out themselves? My EX SIL (what do you call someone who was your sister in law for 12 years - part of my family for 20 years? I still consider her my SIL) anyways she doesn't agree with what EX did. She said he went from the security of his mother, to me being his crutch, and now he has this girlfriend. She feels he can't be alone.

Sorry to chew off your ear responding to your post. You will get through this and the impending marriage. Good Luck!!

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:15pm

Oh, I totally agree on the "can't be alone" thing. X went from his mom and dad, to me and straight to her (he moved in with OW 2 months after he moved out of our house - in the interim, he lived with his mom and on and off with the OW). He has never lived on his own. He even admitted that he doesn't want to be alone and that OW had brought up that that was the only reason he was with her. So she KNOWS that she was being used yet she still stays with him. That just tells me that she is as pathetic as he is. Of course, I already suspected that because she didn't kick her husband out until she knew she had her hooks in mine. Yes, he definitely had to go through with the divorce this time. She had told him after he didn't show up in June that if he didn't get divorced, he had no business living with her (well, DUH!). And I had told him in June if he didn't get it rescheduled and go through with it that I would file on my own and do it. So it was get put out on the street and go live with your mom or divorce me and get remarried.

I had never been on my own either. I moved out of the security of my parents' house to being married to X. I was nervous in the beginning because it was just me and my 3 kids. But I tell you, I have learned SO much about myself in the last 14 months. I don't need him (or anybody else for the matter). I can survive just fine with myself and the love and support of my family and friends. That realization is just one of the many blessings that this divorce has given me!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:20pm
Oh, and I have to tell y'all this....he told me just after we separated that his biggest fear was being remarried within a year of us being divorced!! LOL

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