Well, It's Over---with a Twist

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Well, It's Over---with a Twist
1
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 9:13am

A number of you have known about my situation and have offered helpful posts on occasion. For those that haven't I will recap.

After 25 years I came to realize my marriage was (verbally) abusive, and after wanting out for many many years, finally took the step, filed and moved out. Critical, manipulative now-ex turned nice, didn't try to fight it but piled on the guilt. No custody issues but the financials were tough due to business setbacks over several years and a salary that, while nice by some standards, wouldn't sustain the lifestyle she had set for herself on my income.

We had a marathon mediation session Thanksgiving week where we worked it out in a way mostly favorable to me (all things considered) and had a court date set for Dec 11 to finalize. Spousal support payable in pretty large amount but for a manageable number of years, along with a major raid on my IRAs, but whatever. I had to assume the house--not a victory really, because it's too expensive to keep but right now given current economic conditions I couldn't sell for what I owe on it.

Then came the twist. On December 7 with NO notice my employer simply let me go. (They knew all about the divorce and how difficult my planning had been.) I had 96 hours to renegotiate the spousal support based now on a severance that would help me set up my own business but have NO guaranteed income at ALL. Which we did. SO come January I will move back in to my house, set up a home office with two months' severance, cross my fingers, work like crazy, and try my best to get business in the door--or else.

It's not as bad as all that, I suppose, because even though I loved my job and coworkers in the long run I should actually do better financially this way. But to have to make this transition unprepared with all the emotional upheaval in my life is tough.

SO in any event on Dec 11 we spent two hours in the courtroom lobby hammering it out. The decree came down, to be entered after Jan 1 for tax reasons, but no more court dates or actions--the divorce is final. I want to be able to celebrate even if only a little but I am so stressed and bummed out I can't. Fortunately I get a few days' time with close family members I rarely saw during my marriage (due to ex), which will be nourishing emotionally.

I set out on this journey knowing I needed to rediscover myself, my own personhood. I will certainly now determine whether I have any resilience, I guess.

Not much to be said in response to this, I suppose, but it's nice to know someone may read it with empathy. Thanks to one and all for being there for me through this.

Rediscovering

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 10:20am

Hello Rediscovering:


While I am sorry to hear about the "twist", from the outside looking in it is apparent that you have been set up.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***