Went to counseling
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| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:44pm |
I went to my first counseling session on Wednesday. (alone,because husband refuses to go)
Background: Husband says he's not sure that he wants to be married anymore, says he is unhappy and that it's not me, it's him; but will not leave. We've been married for 14y, together for 20. Three kids 13, 11, & 3. I don't think he is having an affair, but I do have a trust issue with him. I feel he is being selfish because we have three kids and feel they are important enough that he should want to stay. I feel I am a good wife and there is no reason that he should be unhappy. Feel he is punishing me for his unhappiness.
Counselor said in his experience there could be three reasons for my husbands change of heart... 1) he's having an affair...2) he's depressed...or 3) I'm not being truthful about my role as the good wife.
I don't believe he is having an affair. He's home every night, and I know where he is 99% of the time. There is no mysterious money missing, or abnormal phone calls. But who can be 100% sure.
I feel I am a good wife. And not that our life is perfect, I think we have normal issues like most couples (money, sex, kids); but I don't think there is any issue that is out of the ordinary. So I am leaning on the thought that he might be going thru some depression funk. Although I don't think he would ever admit it, because he doesn't like to believe in mental issues.
Anyway, the counselor recommended the book - Divorce Busting - by Michele Weiner-Davis. Have any of you read it or felt it helped. I'm realistic and know it's not going to be the cure, but just wondering if it is good info or not?

Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
That could be his problem...I get the impression from him that he is concerned about being older. He's concerned about his health. It's almost like a mini midlife crisis. Like he's restless and wants to do something with his life. Like I'm holding him back, which is unfair because anything he wants to do I have always been supportive.
I don't understand why he won't go to counseling. He said that he would just say all the same things that he's already told me and that there is nothing to change. I even suggested that we go to counseling to either figure out how to stay together, or to figure out how to end the relationship. He said no. My counselor told me to tell him that the counselor would like him to come, and he doesn't have to say anything. He can just listen to us talk, and that he would be there to just to verify information that I am saying. Not that I'm lying, but what I think I heard my husband say may be different then what he meant. Anyway, husband still said no.