Went to the parenting classes...
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| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 8:18am |
...and they were very interesting. I really got a lot out of it, and I'm willing to utilize the strategies outlined to work with my "co-parent" (Eesh, I HATE using that term! He's not much of a parent, let alone co-). I don't think STBX will get much out of the class, though. He thinks he knows everything, is unwilling to look into himself to see how HIS behavior affects issues, etc., etc...
During the class, the psychologist who was leading the class gave examples of 5 personality types:
1. Controller (STBX)
2. Passive-Aggressive (Without a doubt, STBX!!)
3. Avoiders / Pursuers (STBX / me)
4. Hostile (STBX)
5. Perfectionists (me)
also in the mix:
6. Alcoholics/drug addicts
I saw myself having perfectionist traits that I'm willing to work on. I was talking with a woman at the class, and we both thought that we were pursuers, as our husbands have avoided all sorts of issues, and we had to take up their slack. I became a perfectionist because STBX avoids and procratinates and does his little passive-aggressive act so things don't get done, whether it is at home, or in our business. I do tend to become focused on evaluating his performance as a father, his drinking, etc., and I know I need to balance that out a bit more... I'll talk with my counselor about learning some healthier skills to improve how I look at things. I'm sure STBX won't look into himself to improve how he adds to the mix. I am responsible for what I put into the mix. I'm done trying to take up his slack, or waiting around for him to get on the ball.
I looked online, and found some info about how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior, and I found a website that was about P-A in children. Younger DS has a lot of the personality traits that his father has, and the description sounded a lot like my son. ALthough with his ADD, it could be the P-A, ADD, or a combo. I'll talk to his counselor about the P-A.

Well, even if he does nothing and you do something toward learning how to communicate with him more effectively.... you're a few more steps ahead of where you were, right?
I tell ya..... I bit my tongue many times.... and went way, way out of my way more times that I'll admit to to try to keep things on good terms with my EX to be good co-parents.... and I have to tell you that, in the long run, it's been well worth it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~