Were your parents divorced?
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Were your parents divorced?
| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 4:54pm |
How many of us had parents-family members that are divorced? If so how old when you when they were divorced? Have they re-married, happily?
I have been reading on another board how dysfunctional marriage of family members plays a big part of how our lives play out. I was just curious to know if anyone here has read anything on this subject. I sure don't want my dysfunctional marriage to carry over to my DD's. (they are the reason that I an getting out) I have kinda been looking for books on the subject to learn more about statistics and of course how to stop the circle..

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I was 8 when my parents split up, maybe 9 when they divorced. My dad was a womanizer, and had several affairs, including one with my friend's mother. He was fired from his job for sleeping with a co-worker. His boss was good friends with our family, and told my dad and his lover to stay away from each other-- dad being a married man with 2 very young kids. My parents moved to the Cape to get away from his lover, but unbeknownst to my mom, he'd brought her to the Cape, too. Mom found out, and kicked him to the curb. Dad had crappy taste in women after he divorced my mom. My mom took care of everything-- dad was a mama's boy, so when my mom wasn't around, his life fell apart. Mom didn't date until I was... I want to say 16. She hooked up with a cop who was a drug dealer on the side. It was always not his fault for getting caught up in the drugs, or he was holding the drugs for "someone else". Gee that excuse never worked for me when mom busted me with cigarettes. ;-) Mom is man-free right now, and dad is with a very nice lady.
Mom's parents couldn't stand each other, but never divorced, and instead opted to live 300 miles away from each other. We now believe that my grandfather suffered from Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism that causes the sufferers to not form good inter-personal relationships, and the sufferer focuses on scientific pursuits. (I think this runs in the family, with my uncle, and my son has been tentatively diagnosed with it).
My great-grandparents (mom's mom's parents) divorced in the 1920s, and since divorce was so uncommon in those days, it made the papers in my great-grandparents hometown. My g-grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. G-grandmother remarried another jerk, who spent her money and sold her land for his profit.
Peronally, I think the women in my family just put up with BS from their spouses, and when the spouses got too out of hand, and couldn't work on their personal issues, they ended the marriages. I also think that the women in my family have very high standards, and the men can't always live up to those standards, or the men use that ecuse to justify their bad behavior
STBX's parents have been married for... 53 years, but they should have divorced 50 years ago. STBX-FIL is a lifelong alcoholic, and all 3 of his kids are practicing alcoholics. When people speak of "broken homes", divorced homes, they sort of insinuate that a home with both parents there is somehow better, but it isn't necessarily true. My ILs act as if they're better than me because I'm from a "broken home", and in fact have said this to me, but they won't address the severe dysfunction in their "intact" family (there's never been a divorce in their family. Ever.)... SIL almost died from alcohol-related health issues; DUIs, OUIs, assault and restraining orders against BIL for alcohol-related personality problems; FIL gets physically abusive when he's in his cups... and it's all excused because so-and-so was drinking. MIL says they have "allergies" to alcohol. STBX and his family are MASTERS at covering up or pretending that everything is perfect in their world, so I personally think THAT cyce needs to be broken more than the cycle of divorce on my side of the family. Just hearing the stories my MIL has told me about her husband's role in her kids' upbringing makes me glad that my parents divorced. I think a home can be broken and have both parents still living in it.
My parents were divorced when I was 3. My father is dead, but my mom remarried when I was 19. Most of the time she's happily married, but they are somewhat co-dependent.
I never had an example of what a healthy relationship is, so how could I have grown up and created one or been a contributing part of one? I don't know. My sister did it, but I think she was less impacted than I was. She was only 1 when they divorced, and I definately have more abandonment issues than she has. When my dad wasn't around, she was angry, I was hurt. I let that hurt drive my decisions as an adult, and consequently I found relationships where I was less likely to be hurt, that seemed safer, and as a result were not very fulfilling. I cared more about not being hurt than I cared about being loved.
What I hope for my dd is that I can teach her what a healthy relationship is and how to find one, or make one. I have gone to therapy to determine that for myself, and that will help me teach it to my dd. If I am lucky, I will find someone to marry to help create that example for dd, if not I will do my best for her without that example.
My parents split when I was 26. I wasn't married yet to my XH but we were together when this all happened. I was with my XH for 6.5 years, married 6 months before he left.
My XH's family is different. Xh's dad has been married 3 times. I know facts leading to him cheating on his first two wives. XH's mom was married twice, first marriage to XH's dad of which he cheated on, her second marriage failed because she wanted out, I don't know the details. XH has been married and divorced twice, he is only 29 years old.
Xh's sister is happily married, has been for about 5 years or so, she is in her 30's.
My parents were happily married until my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, after being together for 28years ( not sure on the amount of time, either 27 or 28 )
I believe that my XH's upbringing had A LOT to do with our demise and the demise of his first marriage. He grew up with his father cheating. He grew up with his grandfather cheating ( which I only found out after he left me, his mom told me a lot of things ) XH cheated on his girlfriend to be with XW number 1. He then cheated on XW to be with me. He then cheated on me to be with his current girlfriend. Is it "in the family"? I believe so. Someone had to tell him this was "OK" behavior, maybe not in those words, but in actions.
I strive to provide stability for my kids. I don't want my kids doing what their father did to me. You can't just leave when the going gets rough or some pretty young thing shows you attention. I also want to teach them the meaning of marriage. It will be a challenge since my father and mother are no longer together and XH and I are no longer together. My SO's parents have been married for years and his grandparents have been married for 50 years+ so I think I have
Hi,
My parents have been married for 38 years.
Thx for answering everyone. My parents were never married, I came from some serious dysfunction. My Stbx parents have been married 47 years with lot's of cheating and abuse. They have had no intimacy in 20 years and are very cold and distant towards one another. I can say forsure they are the cause of our dysfunctioal marriage, he acts the same exact way his mother does.
I want my girls to learn from my mistakes and not follow in our foot-steps. I really need to find a way to teach them this my on my own, without a SO in my life, because I am definately not ready for that.
I was the one to swear I would never end up in a marriage that I am in now, because I saw it from my mom and step-dad, but here I am. I wonder if men ever really think about these things and the pain that they (or the situation) brings the kids.. I guess I will truly never get an honnest answer to that one.
Yes, my parents were divorced. The end result was pretty nice (parents remained close friends, I saw them both regularly), if there can be a "nice" ending to divorce.
However, the way I found out was messed up. My dad told my sister and I (then 6 and 8 years old) that my parents were going to split up but we WEREN'T ALLOWED TO TELL OUR MOM WE KNEW until about a year after (it was going to happen after we moved across the country). It has always been like that with my dad...all kinds of secrets. We had no idea they were going to split up because they never let on that there were any problems.
I found out as an adult that my dad cheated on my mom a LOT. I found this out after my dad's girlfriend of 12 years cheated on him with another WOMAN and my dad went nuts. He is better now, although it seems like he is a serial dater.
My mom has NEVER dated. She is very lonely and sometimes I think she still loves my dad. Now she is heartbroken about my situation. She came to me crying the other day appologizing that she had not been a better role model. If anything, I think she was a great role model; a strong and independent woman.
That excuse worked on me for about a year. Then I realized that I had changed and grown as a person so why the he!! couldn't he? I will give him credit, his mom was very violent when they were growing up, if someone made her mad and didn't do what she wanted then she would yell scream and hit. She even smacked him in the face at the age of 27.
He is a major mamma's boy, and there is nothing wrong with that, except momma didn't have such good habits and he needs to stop taking after her.
I am going to check out that book, I really want a bright future for my dd's, so if I can break away from bad habits and stop walking in my mom's foot-steps then maybe they will take their own path with less mistakes..
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