Were your parents divorced?
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Were your parents divorced?
| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 4:54pm |
How many of us had parents-family members that are divorced? If so how old when you when they were divorced? Have they re-married, happily?
I have been reading on another board how dysfunctional marriage of family members plays a big part of how our lives play out. I was just curious to know if anyone here has read anything on this subject. I sure don't want my dysfunctional marriage to carry over to my DD's. (they are the reason that I an getting out) I have kinda been looking for books on the subject to learn more about statistics and of course how to stop the circle..

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My parents are still married.
actually, i remember reading a study done about 10 years ago that the high percentage fo divorces came from two-parent homes.
I would say that there are several factors, as far as i can see:
first of all, divorce is more 'socially acceptable' today and that means not only do our friends/neighbors/family accept it more, but the social/legal community is set up for it.
second - i think personally, that its not just that divorce is more acceptable,but that people get married for the wrong reasons. we are bombarded with books, movies, commercials from a very young age, and all we want to do is "fall in love" and get married, without really understanding what "marriage" is.
third - its possible for people to have grown up in a dysfunctional family that DID NOT include divorce. in my parent's days, people just stayed together.
Another factor...
More women are able to get themselves out of a bad situation now because they are able to support themselves. That is the difference between my mother in law and me. Our husbands are the same (as in they treat us like dirt - like father like son), but she never felt she could live on her own because she did not have a college degree and never had a decent paying job. I am a professional and can afford to live on my own.
-sang
Edited 6/13/2005 12:24 pm ET ET by sang_froid
No, my parents were married 54 years and at my dad's funeral, my mom said, "54 years, no complaints."
My in-laws have been married for 52 years.
There is no divorce in either family. Except my husband "doesn't want to be married any more." He was 40 last week -- midlife crisis with a vengeance!
Now he is unhappy at the settlement he is going to have to pay me. He's staying in the house and it was appraised for much more than we thought. Well it's too bad! He brought it all on himself, and he admits it.
It's all very sad -- everyone is on my side -- but it only takes one to make a divorce.
My dad was married previously; he and my mom were together until he died. However, they seem to have had a weird understanding. It's not a marriage I would enjoy, but it may have worked for them. Both of my SIL's were married to real bits of work before they met my brothers - first marriages for the brothers. They seem happy. My grandparents died/were widowed in their thirties and never remarried.
Basically a family system molds people to take on the same roles as the previous generation. They attract partners who fill the complimentary role. My mom and XMIL and I married dominant guys. My mom liked it and stayed put, while XMIL and I couldn't breathe and got out. My dad and XFIL both butted heads with a couple of spicy women before they found a docile one. My ex is now out there looking for the docile one. If my kids can see me interacting with men as equals, that will give them something to build on.
Good question, rach.
Thanks. I am starting Pschology in a week so I am going to look into this alittle more. I am really interested in relationships and human nature. Call me the odd ball.
I am looking around for statistics now, just out of curiousity..
Dad was an alcoholic addicted to pain killers, while Mom worked her butt off as an RN. We were an "upper middle class" family, only b/c my Grandfather let Dad stay in the family business ... which my Dad now owns outright. He cheated on
Yes, my parents were divorced when I was a baby. They were 18 & 19 when they got married, divorced four years later. My mom started to see my step-father when she was still married to my father. My father was an abusive alcoholic though. I think he cheated on her too. Step-father was also an alcoholic, as was my mother. They have cleaned up thier act, been married for fifteen years. I haven't spoken to my father for 4 1/2 years...he's still drinking and using drugs. He's been married (2 more children) and divorced again. Also has a child by his live-in girlfriend.
My maternal grandparents were married for many years, until my grandfathers death. He was an alcoholic. My mother and my siblings have many problems from their childhood. I feel bad when I hear the stories. They weren't really physically beaten, more mentally. My grandparents were really young when they had thier first child (16 & 17), and ended up having six all together. Three divorces among thier children.
My paternal grandparents were separated after they had two children. He was an abusive drunk. She had already been divorced, with two children. I don't know what the cause of her first marriage was. All of her kids (my uncles & aunt) are messed up in some way. Two divorces among her children.
My husband's parents are freaking crazy. They never got married. His mother is divorced, has kids from three different guys. Her parents (h's grandparents) were married for a *long* time. My FIL has never married, but he has two children from two different women.
I didn't marry an alcoholic, but he is verbally & mentally abusive at times. He's also an emotional cheater. He was alot different before we married. We do not have any children. I can't believe I'm in this situation. I was supposed to break the cycle, but here I am continuing it. My husband and I are splitting up in September.
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