What about alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
What about alimony?
4
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:47pm

I have a question regarding alimony. My attorney says I am entitled to 6 years (1/2 of the marriage) of alimony. My STBX agrees to pay cs but doesn't think he should pay me alimony. He has agreed though to pay me 1/2 of the alimony my attorney has proposed.

My question, do I accept his proposal or do I go for what my attorney says I am entitled? I told STBX I needed to find out what my bills will be (I just moved into my own place). Now he is claiming I am just prolonging this divorce. Our case management date is 4/9/07 but because he doesn't have a lawyer he thought this was our "Divorce date". My attorney says we don't go to court on that date and as it stands we don't have an agreement so it's still up in the air. I'm just confused about the process.

He says my attorney is trying to leave him with no money and if that is the case, he will just sell his assets and move out of state. I want him to be involved with his children but his threats of just leaving are driving me crazy. He will probably do it since the OW lives out of state.

Usually - writing my question here helps me sort things out but unfortunately, I'm still in a cloud about this one. Thanks for listening anyways.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:02pm

I know you've posted your story before, but I can't remember all the details. Anyway, my advice to you is to LISTEN to your attorney -- he knows what you're entitled to and what's best for you and your kids. Typically the child support guidelines are just to cover the very basic needs for the kids. Do the kids have college savings accounts already set up? If not, you could 'negotiate' that the 1/2 of the alimony payments that he doen't want to pay you, should be put into accounts for the kids' college expenses. Just so you know, in some states, you would possibly be entitled to 'permanent' alimony if you've been married for more than 10 yrs. -- and agreeing to spousal support for 1/2 the time you were married would be considered a compromise on your part. Since your stbx has not consulted an atty, he doesn't have a clue to what is considered standard and 'reasonable' in these situations.

Anyway, don't let stbx intimidate you. The main thing the judge is concerned about is the welfare of the kids, so your stbx cannot threaten to not see the kids, as that would not fly with the judge. Even if stbx got the alimony 'reduced' -- this doen't guarantee that he won't do what he is saying he'll do -- move out of state -- so you may as well go with the atty's recommendation and let the judge decide what is 'fair.' I would definitely report his 'threats' to the judge, as he/she would be interested to hear this.

Good luck with everything!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:52pm

I was awarded 9 years of alimony in a preliminary hearing too. My ex said the same thing that he wasn't going to pay me alimony. My lawyer said that he would be a pain over the next 9 years, would most likely pay sporatically, or not pay until I take to court (more money) and then pay just enough to stay out of jail.

What my lawyer suggested was to take a lump sum. What we did was figure out total alimony of 9 years, minus what I would have paid in taxes on it ($900 a month, minus $300 a month on taxes) and came up with the total lump sum that way (but didn't tell x that is how we came up with it) and threw in that since I was giving him a 'deal' I would also get to claim both kids as dependents for taxes.

He agreed and it benefited me greatly as I didn't have to worry about taxes, it wouldn't count against my college financial aid and I wouldn't have to worry about him paying it!!

Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 7:09am

Thanks to both of you who posted.

I do have funds for both children for college so basically 1/2 of the alimony will go into their funds. I'm thinking 1/2 of the alimony is better than no alimony and less stress on myself and the kids. STBX has a way of harping on something until he gets what he wants. He basically makes life miserable for all involved and since we also work closely together, he makes me a basketcase.

I am interested in the situation of a lump sum settlement. Thanks for giving me your input on that scenario.

STBX and I are suppose to meet tomorrow to discuss finances and I will gingerly bring up the lump sum settlement.

Thanks Again -

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 5:08pm

Hi Over,


I agree you should take your attorney's advice; that's what you're paying him for. As for your STBX, he's foolish not to have an attorney to also represent him in the divorce.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020