What about the kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
What about the kids?
4
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 12:32am

My stbx and i have been offically seperated for 4 months. The kids are really starting to feel the weight of our situation.... Not only are they asking more questions but the answers are moving towards us never being a family in the same house again. My stbx has, for the moment, has agreed to get a divorce. So I have told the kids (7yrs & 3 1/2 yrs) that our living arrangements are going to be long term. My dd (7yrs) is amazing but I think she is taking this really hard. Tonight I found her in the corner rocking and sucking her thumb. When pushed she did not directly answer what was wrong.... through some proding I found out she is very sad about what is going on and she is torn between spending time with each of us.


Tonight we all had dinner together the kids were suppose to stay at his house but the 3 y/o didn't want to and went

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 8:52am

Divorce is hard on everyone. I feel as though I was "lucky" b/c my oldest was 3 when my ex and I split. My middle child was 1 and I was 6 months preg with the 3rd. They were still young so the way it is now is all they have known. BUT...My husband now went through what you are going through. His daughter was 7 when him and his ex split. They did a lot of family activities together. Then they slowly backed off with family activities together and now she is a 12 year old thriving child. She knows that both of her parents love HER even though they do NOT love each other. It takes time. By reading your post, I believe you are handling it just fine. You reassured your daughter. I know it is hard but you are not alone.


Hugs,


Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 10:51am

I reassured my kids that they would have time with mom AND dad... we set a schedule... and that was that.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 11:10am
I do think it's good to stick to a schedule when the separation is new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 11:28am

And we do the extra visits now, too.... but if the kids suggest something, their dad and I always work out the details and have the final say.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~