What about my married friends??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
What about my married friends??
5
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:36pm

As i move forward with my divorce, i have to wonder, what happens to all of my married friends? you know the ones, the people who you were friends with as a couple. Do they phase you out? I remember when my friend divorced a few years ago, my husband insisted i end my 12 year friendship with her, because, according to him, she was single and would be out whoring around. I am confident that my "girlfriends" will be there for support as well as some of their husbands, but how badly does the group dynamic change? I'm no longer part of a "couple" so do the invitations to couples evenings,weekends, dinners, cease to exist? I feel like i am losing so much financially, personally, physically, do i need to find all new friends too? I'm 40 years old with a 15 and 10 year old. I've never been much of a bar fly and i have no single friends. (and i'm not looking for a romantic relationship) i truly enjoy my invites to a friends house for wine and talk, and i always go even though my husband always stays home.

christine

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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:13pm

This is the question of questions... and there really isn't a good answer... some of your married friends will likely stay friends with you, some with your x and some will try to be friends with both. I have seen this happen, not only in my own marriage, but in my parents, that ended in 99 after 29 years of marriage. They have some friends from their 20's who have chosed one side or the other and others still who maintain friendships with both.

The divorce process will definitely shake things out a little bit... you'll find out who your true friends are (and it might surprise you a bit)--I know I was surprised when my xh's best friend from high school picked my side and doesn't talk to my xh at all anymore... that was the one friendship that I was sad about losing, until he got word to me through my xbil's that if I needed anything to call... I did, we talked and continue to do so now... It is just too hard to predict which way things will fall out, but it will work out for the best!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:13pm
You will need to find some single girlfriends. The married friends will include you if it's girl's night out or shopping or lunch. Don't expect to recieve invitations to couples events. You will be asked if there will be other single people attending or especially if someone wants to "hook you up" with someone. By and large the best thing to do if you don't want to sit home all the time is to find singles groups in your area. You won't be the only one wandering in alone and you might find a few friends there. I was lucky in that my good friend and I were single at the same time. After a year I tried on line dating and got very lucky, she met someone at work and we haven't stayed in touch really. Sure glad we had each other to pal around with though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 1:39am
Just curious if you did end the 12-year friendship? Hope you didn't :). Best of luck to you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 5:15am
I am also in my 40's and my divorce process is just beginning. I guess one good thing with us is we hare really never had any friends. I mean I guess he has his truck driving friends and I have my friends - but in 21 years of marriage - we have probably only done things with another couple 4 times and all of those were in the 1st year or 2 we were married. My children always wanted to know why we didn't have friends over - and I always told her we didn't have any friends in common and that really is the truth. That is so sad. And I haven't done anything with just a girlfriend of mine at all in 21 years. I guess I am really just beginning to live life again....and I'm still really sad about that but I'm trying to keep my head held high. If only the legal ad could have been in this weeks paper which comes out today (we have a weekly paper) the process of counting down the days could begin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:36am

Slim

Absolutely not!! and i just redid the math and we have been friends for over sixteen years. our children are very close, they have been together since they were just babies in daycare and continue their friendships to this day. my h was crazy to think i would end our friendship. does he think hes my dad?? :-)

she and i have agreed to rent a place, share expenses for the next 2-4 years in order to get our eldest children through high school. of course, alot can change in that time, but it sure feels good to have A PLAN!!

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