what am I going to do? :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
what am I going to do? :(
2
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 1:53am

It is 1:47am at Eastern time. My husband is out with his friends all night long. At this point, I don't know if he is out with his old friends or not. He told me he will be home at 11:00pm, but it is 1:47am. He is still not home. He never told me a straight story. I told him this afternoon when I finally got him on the phone that I will come to meet him, he told me no!
About 2 weeks, this happened again, he went out with his friends. I was going crazy, crying on the phone, and begging him come back. He still didn't. I called my best friend, she said that I am crazy to think that he is cheating on me. In her opinion, he will never do so. But I don't understand why he needs to make me so mad and stay with his friends instead of coming home!

I am so tired, and feel so helpless. I do LOVE him. But obviously I am hurt again and again on this! I don't know what to do?! One minute I want to get a divorce, because I ask myself what the marriage left for me! He even doesn't care that I am so mad about him hanging out with his friends (if he is with his friends).

My girlfriend told me that I am too sensitive. Am I? Tell me! Is it normal for a married man to hang out with his friends pass midnight! and this is not the first time happened!

Please help me! what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 9:20am

Hi Adrianne,


Is this new behavior for your husband? I mean is he in the habit of going out with friends first of all, and second, is he in the habit of staying out late without regard to your feelings? If the answer is "yes" to those questions, then no, I don't think you're being paranoid. Something is different and you have a right to be concerned and worried about why he's behaving like an adolescent.


My advice? Since you've already confronted him about his behavior and he's basically denied anything (or put you off), I strongly encourage you to seek marriage counseling. Go yourself if he won't go with you. What you need is help sorting out your feelings and your reaction to his behavior. An experienced counselor can help you do both and give you a safe place to vent and tools to help you.


Give this avenue a good try before you think divorce. Divorce is NOT as easy as the movies and celebrities make it look. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 12:32pm
(Keep in mind I am on an 'all men suck' rampage:)
But, from my personal experience, it sounds like this may be the start of him emotionally distancing himself from you. Maybe not, but something IS up. And my advice would be to find out ASAP before you wake up one morning, thinking nothing serious is wrong, and he wants a divorce! It seems men just like to dump it on us all at once, while they've been working through these feeling for weeks, months, or even years! So find out if anything is wrong now, and I really hope it works out for you. :)