Wow. That must be very confusing for you. If you have read any of my posts, you will know I am having boundary issues of my own (!) so I am not sure I can be of much help but I think I can empathize with you, at least.
It is not easy to know that someone you love is seeing someone else. I am dealing with my own pain on this sort of issue right now (although in my case, the marriage is really over and we are proceeding with divorce so I don't have the whole unknown thing). You said she said you were free to date others. Perhaps you should - assuming you want to. I don't think this would be out of line nor would I think you should feel guilty about giving your number to someone (if that is what you want to do). It seems like she is testing things out - seeing what it would be like to be out there and to be with others. I know what it feels like to really want to save your marriage - but as I have learned in recent weeks, it takes two to tango. Unless she wants to work on the marriage, it *is* over. If one person could make a marriage work - I wouldn't need this board.
Some advice I am trying to take myself - focus on yourself and try to focus less on her. Do some things that will make you happy. As for understanding - it is really difficult to imagine ever really understanding these kinds of situations and I am not sure it is really necessary to understand it all.
You can read my post of "didn't know where else to vent" & that may give you some insight as well - sounds like we are in a very similar boat my friend.
As of this wkend, I have decided I would take the advice of my mother & a good friend & comply w/"no more sex". My husband & I came close to reconcilation in December, but his reluctance at the very end kept us right under separate roofs. We had been getting together wkly since then just to hang out, still take care of the kids & of course - yes, have sex.
This was fine until I happened across emails that he had been conversing w/a girl for 3 months. Then he planned a trip to her area & I ended up taking him to the airport ;O Talk about an unhappy ride for me. When he just got back on Saturday (w/bringing me a box of chocolates that I have since threw away) and asked me if I was hungry, I replied no & made it very clear we would not be spending the night together. Actually I stayed at a friends & he had came by my house early that morning & saw I wasn't home. I later told him that it wouldn't be a good idea if we still saw each other sexually b/c it was simply getting to be too painful & yes, you start feeling like your life is passing you by.
When I told someone about him seeing this other individual (oh yeh & he emailed me pics of his trip, (of course there was no "friend" in any of them - but at that point, I'm thinking, he's really not understanding my positioning ;(
Wow. That must be very confusing for you. If you have read any of my posts, you will know I am having boundary issues of my own (!) so I am not sure I can be of much help but I think I can empathize with you, at least.
It is not easy to know that someone you love is seeing someone else. I am dealing with my own pain on this sort of issue right now (although in my case, the marriage is really over and we are proceeding with divorce so I don't have the whole unknown thing). You said she said you were free to date others. Perhaps you should - assuming you want to. I don't think this would be out of line nor would I think you should feel guilty about giving your number to someone (if that is what you want to do). It seems like she is testing things out - seeing what it would be like to be out there and to be with others. I know what it feels like to really want to save your marriage - but as I have learned in recent weeks, it takes two to tango. Unless she wants to work on the marriage, it *is* over. If one person could make a marriage work - I wouldn't need this board.
Some advice I am trying to take myself - focus on yourself and try to focus less on her. Do some things that will make you happy. As for understanding - it is really difficult to imagine ever really understanding these kinds of situations and I am not sure it is really necessary to understand it all.
take care and know you are not alone,
Hurtnlost
You can read my post of "didn't know where else to vent" & that may give you some insight as well - sounds like we are in a very similar boat my friend.
As of this wkend, I have decided I would take the advice of my mother & a good friend & comply w/"no more sex". My husband & I came close to reconcilation in December, but his reluctance at the very end kept us right under separate roofs. We had been getting together wkly since then just to hang out, still take care of the kids & of course - yes, have sex.
This was fine until I happened across emails that he had been conversing w/a girl for 3 months. Then he planned a trip to her area & I ended up taking him to the airport ;O Talk about an unhappy ride for me. When he just got back on Saturday (w/bringing me a box of chocolates that I have since threw away) and asked me if I was hungry, I replied no & made it very clear we would not be spending the night together. Actually I stayed at a friends & he had came by my house early that morning & saw I wasn't home. I later told him that it wouldn't be a good idea if we still saw each other sexually b/c it was simply getting to be too painful & yes, you start feeling like your life is passing you by.
When I told someone about him seeing this other individual (oh yeh & he emailed me pics of his trip, (of course there was no "friend" in any of them - but at that point, I'm thinking, he's really not understanding my positioning ;(