What is better for the children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
What is better for the children?
6
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 12:53pm

Been thinking about this constantly.

Wonder if anyone knows of studies that look at outcomes for kids of single moms ...

When do the kids fare better (ie go to college, get decent jobs, have healthy relationships as adults)--when mom is available a lot (i.e. after school and to see them off to school, etc), but low income and living in an apt. in an ok neighborhood or -- when there is more income and kids live in better house, better neighborhood, can afford more extracurriculars, but have to be in after-school care, all-day summer camps, etc. and have less time with mom.

Most folks are telling me what I want to hear which is mom time is more important, but I am not so sure ...

Personal experience welcome, but I am also interested in cites to research on this issue.

Thanks!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 11:35pm
My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade and I will completely say having mom time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:11am

Hugs to you for going through that. And so young -- honey, I am sorry.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:21pm
Aw, thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 2:22pm
Speaking as a psychotherapist specializing in couples and family therapy, children almost always know when their parents are in an unhappy marriage. The household tension and arguing that are hallmarks of an unhappy marriage are not healthy for children to witness, and the studies indicate a stable and supportive caregiver (it doesn't even have to the parent) is best with respect to positive mental health outcomes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 4:07pm

Thanks for your reply. I have no doubts about the divorce even though I did not initiate it -- my question is whether it is better for single mom to work full-time and only be with her kids from 6 pm to bedtime and on weekends and have kids in morning care and after-school care, but have more money for better housing, better neighborhood, extracurricular activities and travel *or* better to be pretty darned low-income, but have mom working part-time ot modestly paying low-stress work and there at the beginning of the day at end of the day?

I would prefer the latter scenario. I want to believe it is better for my kids and they won't mind being "poor," but I am not so sure.

Anyway, I wonder if you know of studies that talk about that scenario?

Thanks!

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 4:55pm

I hear you. I work outside NYC, and see many extremely affluent children with successful parents who commute to the city and don't return home until the children go to bed. They do this to be able to give their children "everything": their houses are beautiful, cars are new, and luxuries abound, but what do you think the children tell me they would rather have? A better relationship with their parents or a new Ipod? You guessed it.