What custody arrangement do you have?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
What custody arrangement do you have?
14
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 2:52pm
I'm just curious as to the types of custody arrangements everybody has. I'm currently reading The Truth about Children and Divorce, and read that the custody arrangement suggested for toddlers to pre-schoolers is every Sat. for fathers, and every other weekend. It also suggests dinner one weeknight for more cooperative divorces. Does anyone have a similar arrangement?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 5:14pm

In the Spanish system what we asked for was that I would have primary custody and my STBX would get every other weekend starting at 1000 am on Sat and then he would have to have them back by 800 Sunday evening.

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 7:22pm
Way back when I was willing to be reasonable (before the chit hit the fan in our case and he really screwed things up for himself with his alcoholic ways), I proposed Wednesdays til an hour before bedtime and every other weekend. However, things have gone down hill in the last 3 weeks and so I have our young children all the time. He hasn't seen them in 2 weeks and I don't know when that will end since his attorney asked for a continuance from last week until Sept. 19. For sanity sake (my own)--I really don't recommend it. But right now it is what it is in my case, but I admit--solo parenting young children is NOT easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 8:38pm
My husband and I have just recently separated and he hasn't asked for any arrangement yet. I think he really doesn't want to take care of the children, just come see them at my house and then leave so he doesn't really have to do anything (we have 4 children). Anyway, we have been trying the dinner once a week thing, but this week I had to tell him I needed a break. The hardest part about that is - and maybe this will fade with time - when he sits down for dinner and spends the evening with us, it feels a lot like he's home to the kids and then he leaves again and they are hurt and confused, which leaves me consoling them and myself all night. Exhausting!!! Anyway, maybe I am still to close, he has been gone four weeks, but I found it to be too painful right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 8:44pm

I have to think back to the first divorce when my kids were 7 & 1--they are 19 & 13 now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 10:37pm
I applaud your ex-H Music. That's great that he wanted to, and did, come by several times a week. I wish my STBX had that kind of interest in his children. Unfortunately it seems they are taking a backseat to his full-blown, on-again drinking habit :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 12:57am

Well we just separated about 2 weeks ago and I'm moving out in about 2 weeks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 11:18am
I think it's sad also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 6:18pm

We have the standard "every other weekend, rotate holidays, etc"... we specify that the kids see their father one evening each week, and we added a clause "and any other times mutually agreed upon".


Basically, they go every other weekend, and have dinner with him one evening each week.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:18pm
I'm probably gonna come off as a crazy ex-wife, but we've really hit a snag in the divorce regarding the custody arrangement. He wants her half of the time, and I'm not comfortable with that. He works from 7am-7pm, and then is gone most Fridays and Saturdays coaching high school sports. When I brought this up his reply was that his mom would help him...uhhh!!! He doesn't get (and this is what my lawyer told me) is that it's a parent who needs to do the parenting not grandparents. I'm so mad thinking about it. I was a SAHM until she was almost 3. Now she's barely 3 1/2 and the thought of him mom having her half the time makes my very upset. I know I can't let this eat me up, but it's so hurtful to think that I would ever miss out on any part of her childhood. How do you cope?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:26pm
You ask for first right of refulsal for child care.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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