What a day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
What a day!
6
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:31pm

Today my STBX (which I am still co-existing with) was suppose to pick up our daugher at about 7:30 and failed to do so...I was so upset and chewed him out when I got home. Then he had the nerve to tell me I should have told him Happy Birthday more than once for his daughters sake!!! Today is his birthday and only about 6 weeks if that since he asked for a divorce...and he wants me to wish him Happy Birthday! I told him to get a grip on reality and that I was NOT responsible to manage his relationship with his daughter.
I basically told him he needed to leave I couldn't co-exist any longer. It's taking such a huge toll on me emotionally and it is so confusing for me. I can't grieve the loss of my marriage and move on because I see him constantly...for each step of progress I make I take 10 back before I know it. He constantly is telling me I am trying to hold on to the relationship and I am pestering him and that I need to get it through my head that he wants a divorce and he's not staying. And in the next breath he tries to tell me that he is never mean to me and I've been mean to him for all 7 years of our marriage!
He's acting like a spoiled rotten child...he wants me to just make this divorce easy on him and suck it all up and move on. We have a toddler together and she is such a Daddy's girl it makes it so hard when she wants him constantly!

Well thanks for listening! I know I'm just ranting but I wanted to get it out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:43am

just wanted to add this...I spoke with STBX this morning and he was acting like the victim and talking about "since I kicked him out" he'd have to put in a 30 day notice to vacate the house....meaning I have 30 days to get out of here.

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Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:29am

My ex and I lived together for three + months while we were seperated and it was AWFUL. I felt very happy about the divorce (although he's the one who suggested it) and he was a miserable wreck. I seriously worried that we'd come home and find him dead. I can promise you that once you seperate physically it is much better and easier. Your little girl will be fine, just make sure she gets plenty of time with her dad. Hang in there!

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:29am

My guess is that your toddler acts better than he does.... living together while you're divorcing is so difficult (I did it).... but... the end is in sight.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:36am

I'm glad to know it isn't just me....I asked STBX to move on in AUGUST and he is still here. I began separation proceedings in January, and of course he drags his feet on paperwork, etc. He is still living here. FOr a while he was flip flopping wildly, just as you describe...moving on one day and staying put the next. I finally sent him an EMAIL begging him to get out of my life, which seems to have helped.

and by crazy coincidence, my STBX had a birthday this week. We went out for a nice dinner with the kids, which was an effort for me, I did not want to be there. And YES, he pouted because there were no cards or presents.

But I mostly want to say that I agree it is very hard to feel you are moving on with your life when the dead weight is still hanging around your house. OUr finances are still mixed, yet he is rarely here. Yet when he is here, he expects us to cater to his schedule. I finally pointed out that HE gets to dictate to me what days he is with the girls and I get to wait patiently for him to show up. WHen do I get to dictate my own schedule? He is so disrespectful of me and my life. It is going to be a long year. At least he is no longer yelling.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:42am
My then-STBX was a wreck, too.... and although living together was difficult, I also had a sense of security because it allowed me to keep a closer eye on him (and his emotional state).

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: justmee06
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:43pm
I give you ladies A LOT of credit for living with your ex's while separated. I only had to do it for a couple of weeks, and it was absolutely awful. It is definitely very difficult to manage living in the same place when emotions are running so high. The only way we were able to stand it was by one person generally not being home most of the time...usually him.

What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson