what do i do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
what do i do??
8
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 5:47pm

hi..im new to this message board..but heres my story:

Im 23 years old and I left my husband of 2 1/2 years on 7/31/06; he was emotionally and verbally abusive and I finally came to my senses and left. I had threatened to leave him before, but when I did he threatened suicide and so I stayed. He went out of town and that is when I decided to leave him and move out. I am financially stable and have been supporting myself since I was 16. He never helped me financially, so I am not dependant on him in any shape or form. When I told him that I wanted a divorce he pleaded and begged for me to come home, but I stood my ground and told him no. We dont have any children or any joint assets, and other than my personal belongings I dont want anything from him.I am extremely lost and confused because I dont know how I should be feeling. I have no emotion whatsoever and I just want to be done and over with. But there are times when I worry about how he is feeling and if he had dinner and if he is lonely. Is any of this normal? Is there even a norm? Any advice or support would be appreciated. Thanks! =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: azk1031
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:20am

Hi there!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
In reply to: azk1031
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 5:03pm
Thank You so much for your advice and support, it helped me see things in a different light. I know there is a long road ahead but hopefully it will get better as time goes on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: azk1031
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 10:09pm

This kind of detachment is good. It's protecting you, and it means that you are moving on emotionally. I'm so glad that you got out!

I just wanted to say that if he calls or shows up doing the suicide thing again, don't play the game. Call the police and report that he has threatened to kill himself and where he is. They'll go check on him.

Steph

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
In reply to: azk1031
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:53pm
Thanks for the advice! My couple friends are calling to get together, I haven't told anyone other than close family and friends yet..and Im not close to these couples to say anything to them until everything is final, but for some reason I feel so unhappy and weird..if that makes any sense....im really not sure how to act or deal with life right now...i just want to disappear...
Thanks for listening..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: azk1031
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:16am
Are you in counseling of any type? You are probably fighting depression on top of everything else.
Steph

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: azk1031
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:11am

i agree with the other posters. what you are feeling is normal (i dont' know if there is a norm or not, but we all go thru this, so i expect it is normal....). for better or for worse this was your husband, you got used to being together, feeling concern for him, i think it would be NOT normal if you would suddenly NOT care about him in some way. OTOH --- when you say you feel no emotions - that is good in a way, because sometimes turning your emotions off is a way to protect yourself.

try to move the focus from him to you. start doing things for yourself, take care of yourself - make sure you are eating properly, make sure you exercise and take time to meditate or find some form of relaxing . force yourself if you have to - but it does work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
In reply to: azk1031
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:36am
no i am not in counseling...i have been considering going...but just haven't been able to make the step yet...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: azk1031
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:38pm
ANyone who has been in an abusive relationship needs to get counseling. It's not that hard to start. What's more difficult is to keep going because it's a lot of emotional work. It really feels GOOD when you get into, though!!! You might want to call around and see if there is a battered women's support group (local women's shelters often have these). That's another option to get started; although, you will still need individual counseling.
Steph

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