What do I do about the boat? It's sinkin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
What do I do about the boat? It's sinkin
6
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 4:08pm

After 6 years and his alcoholism getting worse now that we settled our insurance claim. He decided he wanted a little red corvette to go with his long hair and Italian good looks. he has surrounded himself with idiots in their 20's who give him cocaine.
I divided the money equally into two accounts. One her can't touch for me and one I can't touch for him. Well I am sure you see where this is going, hes blowin through his and wanted mine. He got out 5k-got drunk-lost it-convinced himself I had it-and went after me in front of my girlfriends punching me in the head. Needless to say cops were called and he spent 2 days in jail until he sobered up enough to go to court.
Marriage is over that much is for sure, I filed for divorce yesterday. 2k-guess he got to my money afterall huh? We are involved in this lawsuit with the mortgage company which is sure to be tons of fun.
Anyway, before he got out of jail I went to the marina-took his stuff from the boat cabin and put it where he could get it all and took the keys with me so none of his coke buddies could take it and smash it.
Well i should have expected this--he sabotaged the boat, and now it won'[t start or pump out water and we are on day 3 of storms.
It's pretty much going to sink.
I called the marina--its in his name-they told me to take it out-but why would I spend more money on a boat I can't drive, is not in my name, and probably won't start because he is a mechanic and did something to it?
So I have to sit here, alone, knowing my boat is sinking along with my marriage.
Man I feel like such an idiot.
Though I was never in a better position to leave him all the abuse I took--when he was drunk--that he had the luxury of not remembering, makes me angry.
I feel like I don't have any support.
My business burnt down with the house so I have no income-I have to wait to start another business for obvious reasons-though the insurance company has paid for this apartment for 3 more months--all of our friends are common and I do not have children.
My gal pals have to be with their kids and I can't break down in front of them.
I feel like such an idiot. Trying to control his drinking and holding things together with band-aids for so long.
It's too bad it takes 60 days in Michigan to get divorced.
Why do I feel so bad? Does anyone know?
I have money so I am not screwed. But I don't have a drivers license because I thought I didn't need one and put it off so long now I have to take the driving road test again.
What a fool. Should have had this done years ago.
Nothing I can do about it now. I just thank God we don't have children and i hate myself for sitting here crying about it.
He was a violent abusive prick. Maybe I am mourning the good parts of my marriage.
I can't think of any right now.
I just wish I could skip ahead to 60 days and be done with it.
I don't ever want to look at him again. And I know I am going to have to.

I do have a plan though...I am going to move to Florida and finish my master diving certs. Do charters and just sail around on crystal waters teaching people to dive and helping them enjoy their vacations, while I work on my book.

I hope he doesn't take the car. Though I could buy another one--I don't have a license.
I'm an idiot.
What was I thinking?
I thought we could move away from the people that were influencing him, but they werent influencing him at all.
we could have moved to Alaska and he would have fallen in with the same crowd.
It wouldn't have mattered.
I think what hurts most is that i had to face the fact I couldn't compete with alcohol and drugs. Not even me the 6ft blond from days of yor who made men fall down in her path.
The first person who cheats on me is my husband.
Freakin lovely.
I hope he gets hepatitis..his liver couldn't take it.
I just had my 34th birthday--my gift? Divorce..
Ouch.
Does anyone have a crappy story that will make me feel better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 12:17pm

First, you are NOT an idiot. I could tell you stories about my mistakes that would curl your hair! You were in a bad marriage, and now you're getting out of it. That takes strength and fortitude. You have a specific, smart plan. You deserve a great deal of credit for dealing with all of this drama so gracefully.


I do have a plan though...I am going to move to Florida and finish my master diving certs. Do charters and just sail around on crystal waters teaching people to dive and helping them enjoy their vacations, while I work on my book.


That sounds like an absolutely wonderful idea. It's great that you have such an exciting future to look forward to. Once you are done with this chapter in your life, you'll look back and be thankful this divorce pushed you toward a new and wonderful life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 12:38pm

Awwww
Thank you so much.

Today is a much better day. Yesterday was not so good.
It rained harder and twice more and the boat is probably underwater.
Ahh well.
I didn't sabotage it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:08pm

Everybody on this board has a crappy story of marriage and divorce!


I am concerned about the cocaine stuff - since you are still married, if hubby brings that crap into the house, and should he get arrested, you can be arrested to, have assets frozen/ceased, and so on.


If your state support a "separation" status, you need that immediately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:12pm

I too have a crappy story. My controlling husband decided he wasn't happy and that he needed to find himself. I had given my whole life to this selfish jerk. I put off my education so that he could pursue his. I went to school part time for like 5 yrs., but took all the student loans offered me (his idea, so that we could live off of them). Now I'm stuck with no degree (he's getting his Ph.D.), 2 years more of school, and 46,000 in student loan debt. I also can't get anymore student loans because apparently 46,000 is the max an undergraduate can get. I still have to find out how to pay for the last two yrs. of school. I get grants, but they aren't enough. He has NEVER sacrificed his education for me. I have always had to schedule my classes around his. If ever I wanted to take a summer course, I couldn't because he had to take one and we could only afford one class. The only satisfaction I DO get is that I will be making more money with my bachelors degree than he will with his stupid Ph.D.. (I'm a biology major and he's and English major)

I wish that could make him either pay for the rest of my school or half of my student loans.

I also feel depressed that my marriage is ending, but after I really thought about it, I'm sad over the failure of my marriage, not that he's leaving me. This came about when he got "annoyed" that I had left butter on a butter knife rather than rinsing the knife off. I thought "Why in the hell am I so upset that he's leaving? GOOD RIDDANCE TO HIM AND HIS ANAL ATTITUDE!!!!! He always got mad at stupid crap like that. I say if you have time to notice it and gripe about it, then you have time to fix it if it bothers you that much.

You are lucky in the aspect that you don't have kids. We have a wonderful 4yr old DS. But because of this, I have to see this a$$ hole for the rest of my life, because even though he is a crappy husband, he is a GREAT father to our son. Since I grew up without a dad, I'm not about to deprive my son of a wonderful father.

Hope you feel better. And if the boat sinks.....well that's his own bad. He probably would have sold it for drugs and alcohol anyway, so at least he doesn't get to reap the benefits of it being in his name.

I'm sorry you feel that he chose drugs and alcohol over you, but that's how addicts are. Maybe you'll be lucky and he WILL get hepatitis. Wouldn't that just make your day?

Hope things get better and just keep reminding yourself of getting to write your book on the ocean while he will probably end up in jail, because addicts do eventually screw up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:23pm
WOW
I feel so much better having read that.
He would bitch at me for not turning on the bathroom fan..
Well hello? At least I didn't leave giant remnants of my feces in the toilet for everyone to enjoy!!! EEEkKK. Like having to look at that all day is nearly as bad as forgetting the fan that didn't even work.
He would never clean. Ever. When he would get mad and clean, perfectly, he would lecture me on the right way to do it and want a parade in his honor!!!
He cut me off from sex pretty early in our marriage and I would have to beg and plead with him. Gawd how pathetic I was.
I am a hot lookin 6ft blond 34 year old. I can prob step out on my porch and people would offer. Why did I let him make me feel so $hitty about myself.
He never finished anything. I think he was depressed but thought he could just take Wellbutrin and everything would be fine. well you can't drink like a fish on ur medication genius!!!!
I got blamed for all his shortcomings and he did everything he possibly could to avoid my feelings.
Muckk him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:44pm

I talked to lawyer. He said they would cease his assets and maybe look at mine.
I am going in tomorrow to get it filed in court, for the record.
The divorce is so that he can't have access to my assets. He can't force me to give him money.

I don't know if he has any on him or not. He left town for 8 mile.
He attacked me because he thought I had his money and was demanding I give it to him for said drugs after he tossed the house and couldn't find it. I didn't know what it was for until he went to jail though it was pretty obvious.

I don't know if he still intends to buy it or if that was a drunken out of his mind thing.
Either way its not like hes never going to get drunk again and have the same genius idea to buy himself a corvette, call a 21 year old barmaid, and sell illegal drugs for money we don't need.
So I would have nothing to call the cops on really.
I'm sure if he didn't have any on him that could be used against me...
Just glad hes gone. I am slowly but surely relaxing.