what do I do about H's irresponsibility?
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 04-28-2005 - 2:59pm |
Hi everyone!
I am not sure, I think I have already complained about the fact that H is always late picking dd up on the weekends, and of course never tells me about it.
This weekend I am flying across the country to help my dad find a place to live when he retires next year (he wants me to help him pick out a town). I asked H 3 weeks ago if he could take dd for an extra night while I am away. He said yes, and asked me to write it down for him. I wrote him a note and had it to him the next day (the day he went to hang with his old college buddies and had his mom pick up dd 1 1/2 hours late!).
Monday I picked her up and asked him if he wanted me to drop her off at his house, at work, or if he wanted to meet up somewhere. He started yelling at me, saying he made plans to see one of his old frat brothers this weekend, and why did I schedule it for that time because he TOLD me about it.
Of course I reminded him that he agreed to it weeks ago and I even wrote him a note on his request! He told me he never looked at the note. I then suggested that my mom or best friend could watch her for that one night while he was out and of course he got all bent out of shape. He always blames me because he doesn't get to see his friends.
I am already nervous about leaving dd with him an extra day. Now he is being all shady. How could he forget about watching his own daughter???
I have a conference in June and he will have to take dd for the time I am gone. I am not sure I can trust him to take care of her! A friend of mine was over once and witnessed him walk out the door, leaving dd alone watching TV while he went to the gym (my friend was there but he didn't tell her he was leaving or ask her to watch dd).
Ahhhhh!

well, i hope you are documenting everything. i don't know what your agreement says, but i sure as heck wouldn't let that man watch my kid EVER. certainly not overnight!
I had a friend whose ex was always late picking up their dd for his weekends. and she complained and complained - a lot of good it did her. she explained to him that he was making her late for HER weekend plans etc. so - one friday, 10 minutes after he was supposed to have been there, she packed up her dd and went to the beach. this was in the
I did something similar to what sk mentioned.... I had a "plan B" lined up... and when he was late and I hadn't heard from him, I took the kids to "plan B" and went on my way to where I needed to be.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Coming into this late, but I want to say that we must always remember: We can control only ourselves.
There is nothing you can "do about H's irresponsibility." But you can set up your own circumstances so that his irresponsibility no longer affects you. Step one is to try to let go of any hopes you might still harbor (deep in your heart) that your Ex will ever become the kind of father you wanted him to be. Teach yourself to accept that what you see is what you get.
Accept that he may not want extra time, and therefore always have someone else who can watch DD if he flakes out. Accept that he may always be this selfish, so that the dissapointment cannot smack you again and again. Know your own limits, know how far you are willing to go FOR DD's SAKE on offerring him extra time, waiting when he is late -- remember: THIS IS A GIFT TO DD. You do NOT do it for HIM.
Don't hold your breath waiting for him to grow up and grow a pair. Just take DD's hand and skip off down your own happy path. He has chosen a different one.