What do I do first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
What do I do first?
4
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:26pm

I've made the decision to start the divorce process. Now where do I start? Do I tell the husband I want a divorce first? Do I find an attorney first? What can I expect in alimony or child support? I need to find a place to live.

We are rational people. I think we can divide assets in a reasonable way. Am I crazy to think this could be easy? How concerned should I be about protecting assets?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 9:05am

I can in no way speak for everyone's situation. But I would first suggest having your complete plan ready first. Where will you live? How will you support yourself?

I wasn't lucky enough to maintain a rational breakup. At first we talked about splitting finances and working out a comfortable child support deal. However, H really does not want the divorce and he's fighting me all the way now. He's getting more and more irrational and threatening me with custody. Threatening to hurt me. Threatening to kill himself rather than pay child support. Threatening to not sign divorce papers.

I will still offer him a reasonable custody and child support deal. If he refuses, which I expect he might, I have to file with the courts. If I do, they will be MUCH harder on him. I hope he can realize that. But in his state of mind, he'll likely refuse thinking it will delay the divorce... or thinking that if we are not divorced yet, he won't have to pay. The truth is, in the state where I live, child support and divorce are unrelated. I have the kids, he has to pay, divorced or not. I don't want to sound money hungry. If I was, I wouldn't be trying to work out a better deal for him.

Divorce is never easy unless perhaps you both want it and you're both rational people. That's not the case for me. I want to be rational. He does not. I want the divorce. He does not. So I am dealing with a lot of fighting and crying and screaming and even my parents are even being harassed. So, for me, it's not a pretty thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:18pm
Protect yourself first. The first thing I did was make copies of all accounts and important documents. I still have not told DH I am leaving. I am waiting for an apartment to come avalible. CS differs so you will need to talk to an atorney. Talking to an atorney would be a good first step. Good Luck.

 

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:22pm

Agreed. Protect yourself and your children (if you have kids) first. Find a good attorney and possibly a therapist. My therapist gave me examples of what i could do to prepare: open checking and savings accounts in my own name, get my name off joint accounts if possible, etc. Silly things that i couldn't have thought about myself because i was too emotional.

Good luck to you.

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:40pm
Thanks for your thoughts on this. It is great to hear advice from those that are in the same situation.