What do I do now?
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What do I do now?
| Tue, 01-02-2007 - 9:13pm |
I have been married for 7 years and have three kids. I just found out that with in the next month the home we live in is being foreclosed on. I have been unhappy for a long time and my family hates my husband and begs me to leave. He is never home (he is a volunteer FF and is constantly at the Fire Department. He belittles me all the time even in public and constantly is down my kids throats when I think they are just being kids. I have finally decided that I am leaving (this Friday - my family is coming to move me out while he is at work) He knows that I am unhappy, but not that I was out of the marriage, I think he suspects that I do but what next? How do I leave him what do I say? I know that I can start over but I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years and have nothing. None of the assests are in my name. I have no job and will be leaving with no car becasue I don't want the $500 monthly payment... I am terrified!

You do not deserve to be treated like he is treating you. Don't let it go on for 3 decades like I did. My STBX use to run into me with the grocery cart as he growled his way through the store.
You have your family to help you. He will have to pay child support. Be sure to get an attorney soon and find out what you can get. He may have to pay your support till you can get some training or something. There is always govt help. Once you get your own place you can get food stamps, help with child care, child support enforcement.
Whatever assets he has he will have to share them with you if he aquired them in the marriage.
Depending on the age of your kids you can also get WIC and that buys things like cereal, milk, etc. You may be eligible for low income apartment. Your rent may only be like 100 to 150 depending on how much you make and child support etc. I guess it all depends on where you live to determine amounts. but usually it is 1/4 of your income.
How to tell him? I dont know. I can only tell you what I would do. since he doesnt know you are leaving the marriage I would leave a note. when your family gets your stuff out.
Otherwise their may be a confrontation. but that is what I would do. and I cannot tell you as I dont know the whole situation.
Dont worry about his feelings. you have to put your kids and you first. he wasnt there while he was hanging unnecessarily around the fire department was he? what about your feelings when he humiliated you in public etc.? We have a tendency to feel sorry for them even though they treated us like garbage.
More folks will come on this board and give you their ideas and support. Keep you chin up and love those babies!
-your kids
-your family (don't ever underestimate how lucky you are to have
them. It sounds like they are really supportive. I
don't know how I would be surviving my separation
without them to support me, and most of all my kids.)
- YOU and your sense of being ok with who you are---
Tell him however you need to- even if it means on the phone with a family member standing nearby or simply have the attorney contact him.......I would just advise that if it is a nasty situation, you don't be alone with him.........whatever you do, hugs and good luck........
You can do this. It's hard and scary, but you will be okay. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and was scared to death when my ex finally moved out a year ago in December. I didn't know how in the world I'd make it alone when I have no college degree and he pays very little child support. Many of us here have been in your shoes and know the fear and the uncertainty. But you can do it.
Since you're leaving in just a few days I would suggest very quickly opening a bank account of your own immediately if you haven't already. If you open an account at your current bank you can transfer money out of your current joint account and into your individual account where he'll have no access to it. I'm not suggesting cleaning out your accounts, but you shouldn't walk away with nothing, nor wait for him to take all the money out himself.
Also, just because your name isn't on any of the assets does not mean you are not entitled to anything. You raised his children and took care of the household for 7 years. You have worth and the courts will not let him take everything.
I'm not sure what to say as far as what to tell him, but I hope that some of what I said helps you at least a little bit. Good luck in the next few days and let us know how you are doing.