What do I say to my kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
What do I say to my kids?
1
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:36am
What do I say to my children when my stbx tells them "crap" on his visitation. I'm not 100% sure what he is saying to them, my 7 year old asked me "if I was going to get married too"and that "daddy is going to have his 3rd wife" keep in mind I just left my husband 3 weeks ago, he also said that daddy wanted him and his brother to keep a "secret" - from what I can gather it was my in laws gave them a gift card but I'm not sure. My 6 year old immediately told his father that my 7 year old told me. I could hear my ex getting mad at him (7yrold) on the phone, this is very typical of him, he is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and our boys. My son was in tears, and now started to hit himself in the head. How do you tell such small children not to listen to their father without it sounding like you are saying something bad about their father? I have the boys in counseling (free through their school) but they don't really tell me what to say or do. This was the major reason I stayed as long as I did with my ex, I knew I would not be able to protect them from his cruel, manipulative verbal abuse. I know this is damaging to my children, how do you make this better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 6:39pm

Hey~


You can't have a lot of control over what he says or does (unless you can prove he's abusing the kids or behaving inappropriately around them).


What you can do, is be their constant... be the parent that always tells them the truth, never talks bad about their dad, and never keeps secrets or asks them to keep a secret from their dad.


It's a good thing that they are telling you that dad is asking them to keep secrets--they trust you... so hold whatever they tell you with the highest respect, and if one is tattling on the other, just let them both know right now that you'll never ask them to keep any secrets from their dad, and if they ever have anything that they want to share with you, they can talk to you privately.


The main thing is, you want to keep communication open.... and you don't want to stoop to his level.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~