What to do with my time

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
What to do with my time
10
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 7:35am

I'm several weeks into this divorce and facing my first full weekend without the kids next weekend. A 3 dayer of course, ugh. You know, as far as his leaving is concerned, it's good riddance to 230 pounds of ugly fat but my kids going away for weekends is going to kill me.

I need ideas to fill my time. If I sit around here, I'll go nuts. I am planning on painting on Saturday but my sister is coming over to help so I won't be alone. One of my brothers was thinking about having us over on the holiday but that will be hard because it will really drive home that I don't have my kids next weekend.

I'm most worried about Friday night. I need somewhere to go or something to do. While I have a large support network, few people go out on Friday's just with friends. They're either home with their families or dating. I'm just not in a social circle that goes out a lot. I think I need to find one but where do I start looking?

So what did you guys do that first weekend your kids were gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2003
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 11:57am

Well- I know for a fact that I can think of lots to do when I'm alone when I'm with my kids!! :-) I am pretty good about being able to do things on my own. The painting sounds like a good idea. Some other ideas might be; get a pedicure, go see a movie, get a good cup of coffee and hang out at a book store for a while- just do something for you. My STBX never takes our 9 yo DD. Thank goodness our 18yo DD will take her babysitting or whatnot once in a while or I would never get time to myself. Last night I went to the gym, picked up greek take out then watched HBO for a while. It was really calming.

I think if it were me, I would avoid the family get togethers for a little while- not forever- just until your comfortable with time away from the kids.

Good luck!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 2:27pm

Hi.

I haven't had that weekend yet. But, I think I would volunteer at a shelter or some other charitable organization. Volunteer at a hospital, help an older neighbor with their household tasks. Doing something for others can really lift you up.

Or, clean your closets, watch a chick movie, get/give yourseld a pedicure, get a facial. Go for a walk, or a bike ride. Call an old friend and ask them out to dinner.

Think of what made you happy before the kids came, and try it out. Being alone when you have kids is so rare. Make the most of the time, so you'll be ready and rarin' to go whan they get back.

Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 2:36pm

You've gotten some great suggestions so far. Here's one more. If you are concerned about being alone on the Friday night, do you have one good friend you could talk to? Explain you are worried about that first weekened alone and was wondering if she and you could do something together that first Friday night. I did this with my best friend and she was more than happy to spend some time with me and her husband took care of their kids for the night. A good friend is often wondering what they can do to help in this situation and giving them a concrete suggestion to help and they'll likely jump at the chance.

Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 8:13pm
Those first couple of times DS was with his dad were so, so hard. The first night, I decided to order some sushi, make a martini, and watch some garbage on TV...without feeling guilty! The next day, I made plans to go out. I tried to view the time alone as a way to relax and recharge my batteries. After I that, I spent time being productive (cleaning, running errands, etc.). That way, when DS came home, I felt relaxed and had gotten all of those silly, time-consuming errands out of the way so I could make the most of our time together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:15am

It's been a while, and I can't remember for sure what I did that first weekend, but I suspect that I rented a couple chick flicks, ordered cheesy, spicy chinese food, and had a good cry over the movies.

Once you realize the things you can get accomplished without the kids, you'll start to look forward to your time alone. It's SO much easier cutting the grass and gardening without the kids around! And it's MUCH easier to watch an R rated movie!!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 9:03am

i went out to dinner with a friend. it was nice to sit and talk. since then, i've spent the time cleaning, running errands, at night,i'd pop in a movie or read a book. my oldest refuses to go to dads, so he and i have reconnected without his little sister driving him crazy.

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 5:38pm
The first time I was without my kids like that was for seven weeks during the summer. I was DEVASTATED and cried when they left, in spite of how hard I tried not to. I didn't want to upset them. I was also 7 months pregnant, which didn't help much.
Do you scrapbook? If not, it's a great hobby, and you can create beautiful photo albums of and for your kids that they'll love as they get older. Plus, you spend your time with your kids, sort of. It's fun and creative and takes up a lot of time. The weekend will be over before you notice!!! Most communities have scrapbook clubs. It would be a nice, low-key way to socialize and get the scrapbooking done....
Good luck, my heart goes out to you.

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:38pm

That's a great idea. I have boxes of pictures upstairs I've been meaning to go through and get into albums. Scrap booking would give me something to do and I can share it with my kids when I'm done. It will also let me remember all the time I've had with my kids.

Thanks for the suggestion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:00am

I'm going to try and find someone to go out with Friday night. I'm sure that first night will be the roughest knowing it will be Monday night before I see my kids again. Sometimes anticipation is worse than the event itself. I'll be anticipating a whole three day weekend alone on Friday. At least by Saturday I'll be able to say one night of it is over.

It's amazing how empty this house is without my kids. I couldn't care less about stbx but my kids being gone is killing me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 7:33am

gr8

how old are your kids? it might be nice to do something for them while they are gone. not so much buying them something new, but maybe planting something for them in a planter (morning glories? or a cucumber plant; my dd's favorites) and helping them take care of the plant until it can be put into the ground? not sure if you have a green thumb, but its a nice thing to do together when they get home.

what