What to do-newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
What to do-newbie
3
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 4:27pm

I am at a loss as to what to do and i am emailing out of desperation.
I am a 36 year old with a 2 year old child. I have been married for almost 5 years, but together 10.

My husband has been assigned out of the country and I was planning on going this week with my daughter.
I received a call from him the night before with him telling me that he has been spending time with another person while there and he had to tell me.
He kissed her. There was alcohol involved but still, not a reason.

I am so distraught, I do not know what to do, he is coming home to talk this week. So much has been going on, I moved out of the house, and just sold it, I am in a smaller place with my daughter now.
We had a plan that I would travel there every 6 weeks to be together.
I never thought this would happen, now I just do not know what to do.

I feel so betrayed
I do not know what to do, I love my husband, he is my best friend and I do not want to end my marriage, but I might have to.

I need any advice from anyone on what to do.

I know I am willing to work on it and he says he loves me, but how can I trust him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:18am
Oh my gosh, I'm so very sorry. He's overseas right now on a job? does his job take him away a lot?
Mine cheated too, I forgave the first time and was gonna forgive the second time but he's decided he has to have a divorce and live with his honey.
I was too easy on him the first time, I should have insisted on counseling, insisted he put tracking on his computer, etc. instead of him balking about when was I gonna start trusting him. I'll tell ya - bull*hit I'll trust ya when you EARN that trust back.
I know you want to keep your marriage but sometimes we are better off without the jerks we married. Easier said than done, I know - I haven't sleep but 6 hours in 3 days.
good luck darling
barb k.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 8:38am

Hi!..... Welcome to the board.


The good news is that he told you what he did... and that you didn't find it out yourself!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 9:12am

The fact that he told you is good. Did he say he will stop seeing her and put the effort into his family and earning trust back? You won't trust him immediately. He has to earn it. Still, it can be done. Infidelity is (unfortunately) pretty common and especially in your husband's situation. I do give him credit for being honest because believe me, most of those guys are doing WAY more than kissing and they aren't saying a word to their spouses. You will just have to see him, talk to him, see what you think. You should definitely get counseling. You can go together when he gets back. In the meantime, check out some books on infidelity and regaining trust.

Good luck. I know it hurts...believe me.