What to do now???
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What to do now???
| Wed, 03-09-2005 - 2:07pm |
I have posted here a few times but I think I am gonna need this board more than ever now. I have been seperated from my H since Jan 04 due to domestic violence mainly. We were highschool sweethearts and together since 1994. We were married in 5/2002. We have two dd together. We have both dragged our feet about the divorce until recently. His mother went and hired a lawyer for him, knowing that I have no money or family to help me with anything like that.We had both thought that we were gonna try and work things out at least for the kids(i know, not a good idea). He has been feeding me a line of crap while he is living with an exfriend of mine. Well, last Friday I got a letter from his attny. My question is, should I just face it that its gonna happen and file the rest of my paperwoek first? Will it look better for me to have that done before he does? I filed my petition and financial aff. and all he has responded with was the financial portion of his. He hasent responded to my petition which I filed 6/04. I am just really confused. Somedays I cant picture my life without him and I really dont want this at all. Others i just want it done and him out of my life. He is nasty to me most of the time, unless him and his gf are having problems. What have some of you all done to finally accept it was gonna happena nd how did you deal with all the emotions and actually come to be okay?







What did I do? Well I moved on.
I think it took me awhile to accept that it was going to happen. For me, the worse he was to me the more I forced myself to say.... OK, fine...... no more mrs nice guy! A lot has happened over the last year and a half and I have to say that I am GLAD that he is gone. He turned out to be someone I truly didn't know. Not even after living together for 7 years. He has done things that I would never think of doing... especially to our children. That alone makes me hate him. I am not even talking abuse or anything like that... simply disappointing my kids. That is enough for me.
It took me a LONG time to get here. You have to decide if you want HIM or the idea of him.... write a list. What do you miss? If it is things that he may have done for you, you miss the idea of him. If it is his smile or his voice or his smell... you miss him. Either way, you have to define that and go from there.
In my case, I filed for divorce 10 months after he left. I was with someone else and I was "talking" to him as a friend. We were civil and friendly and even had a few laughs... then I filed for divorce and all hell broke loose. I "thought" it is what he wanted..... I was wrong apparently because he ran from the server for 3 weeks....lol
I actually fought SO HARD to get him back until that point. Even though he lied to me, manipulated me and lived with another "girl". I still fought....... Then one day, it clicked. I was done and tired. I had someone else and now I focused all of my time and energy on me, my kids and my boyfriend.....
I do believe firmly in counceling. These things don't happen over night. You WILL be ok. EVERYTHING happens for a reason..... believe that and rationalize EVERYTHING to that saying.
As far as your legal paperwork... do it at your own pace! It won't make you look better or worse to get it all in on time. You don't want this.... do it at YOUR own pace. Worry about you for once... go ahead! It's ok ;)
Hugs and good luck,
Angelena
Sometimes we're better parents if we don't live in the same house together.
If he's dragging his feet, then you should think about taking steps to get things rolling.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~