What do ya'll think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What do ya'll think?
7
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 3:08pm

Dh and I have decided to end our marriage. My girlfriend is moving up here to Ohio to be with her bf. She has already been through a divorce. She said it made her feel better not to go back home but stay on her own. I am from Texas. I really don't want to go back home to my parents house but I will have to temporarily if I move down there. I can stay up here and get a job in another town and move out in a month (dh and I still live together). DH thinks I would be better off if I was near family. Also even though I'd be living an hour away from him he still thinks it's too close. My brain is fried. I just don't know what to do or even what is best please give me some opinions.

Cheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 3:24pm
Don't make any decisions while your brain is fried. If you stayed where you are, you can always decide to move to Texas later if you want (I assume you don't have children since you didn't mention any, if you have children my answer might be different). If your heart says you want to move back home, I don't think living with your parents temporarily is that big of a deal. Do you have a good relationship with them? Are they supportive of you? Sometimes having someone help you get back on your own two feet is a good thing. Mostly what you have to do is relax and let the decision of what is right for you just come to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 8:21pm

maybe a couple sessions of counselling could help you now --- but, the general rule of thumb is to try to not shake up your living situation anymore than you have to for a year. so, try to stick to your job and stay where you are if you can afford it. wait until you don't feel so frazzled, etc.

also, i think now that you've decided to end your marriage, don't let your husband (soon to be ex) make any decisions for you -- you're on your own now. let the people who you love and love you and have your best interests at heart help you out there. don't let his influence get in the way of what you need.

good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:12pm

Thanks for the helpful responses. I have a very close relationship with my family. I also don´t have anyone up here except his family which won´t be around for too long because of the divorce. I am thinking that moving home will be best. I am in school and only work part time (we don´t have any kids). With what I am making now I could never live off of it. I would have to start over in a new city with a new place to live, new job, and only 1 friend living there. Yes, I will have to get a new job etc. when I go back home but I will have so much emotional support in an area in which I am familiar. Does that change ya´lls thoughts on it at all? As you can see I am leaning towards moving home just because that is my comfort zone. Should I just step out of my comfort zone and go for it? I guess to a point I am still on a fence.

Thanks,
Cheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:22pm
I would probably move back home too. It would be more comfortable to you, and you would have your family. You need that. Can I ask how old you are? And is this your first marriage? How do you deal with it? I'm sorry but I'm new and wondering alot of things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:32pm

yes, that absolutely changes my thinking. it sounds like you really haven't gotten yourself fully established where you are and, also, it's your family you need right now -- not his. there are exceptions to all the rules.

good luck. you'll do better where you're most comfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 4:06pm

Stacy ask me anything I am an open book. I am 23. I have been married 2 1/2 years. This is my first marriage. Coping? We split up in Nov. for a period of 2 months. I was a wreck(truthfully that doesn´t even describe it fully). I am doing a lot better this time because I have gone through the major greiving the first time. He destroyed my world the first time and I vowed never to let him to get to me that much again. I am depressed but we have been through so much these past few years that dealing with grief and being alone are no stranger to me. He´s in the military so we have had good friends die,friends whose marriages crumbled before us and seperation most of our marriage. Hmm... I wonder why it didn´t work? ;-) I still need lots of support and have reached out to everyone in grabing distant and further i.e. here. My e-mail is: littlemoon_19@yahoo.com Feel free to email me with any and all questions, thoughts etc.

Thank ya´ll so much,
Cheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 7:31pm
I'm probably biased. I would love to move home to be near my mom and my sister, I need them and they need me. But I'm stuck across the country and I need to stay here so my dd can grow up near her father. I vote move home.

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